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The Importance of a Great Coach

If you’ve been following along with some of my updates on Facebook, you’ll know I’ve been getting my butt kicked severely by my friend Kris.  After spending ten weeks eating and partying too much in Bangkok, I realized I really needed to Get In Shape Girl!

As luck (or the Universe) would have it, the second I got back down here and announced my new goal, Kris piped up with, “That’s what I went to school for, I’m a certified Personal Trainer.”  My heart leapt.  Part for sheer JOY of How Quickly the Universe Responds, and part ‘cause I was scared shitless.

You see, I’ve been living in a world class climbing destination.  I have climbed on and off for about nine years.  Two years ago I threw my back out.  This led me to telling myself this story:

Climbing is like crack to me.  I’m a huge addict and don’t know when to stop.  I’m not competitive in sports with other people, but I’m hugely competitive with myself.  If you’ve read my post, How to Slow Down and Take Smaller Steps, it became very apparent to me that I needed to change my expectations about what climbing would be like after an injury.  Going slow is really hard for me, and sucking at something I used to be good at is even harder. So, before, when I would go to the climbing gym, I would push it.  I would push too hard and hurt myself again.  I was STUCK in this never-ending cycle of going too hard, injuring myself, taking too long to recover, and then going right back at it.

Something needed to change!!  I pretty much gave up climbing and focused primarily on activities I knew I could do:  hiking, biking, swimming, thai chi, and chi gung.  While all of these activities are good, they aren’t climbing.  I like the feeling of ascension.  I crave it.  I’m a little bit crazy and sometimes climbing walls is the only thing that calms me down.

So now, I’m done with my Old Story, and ready to Make Friends With Pain.  With a little help from my friends, I’ve come to understand that incredible stuff happens when you work with a coach.  While I’ve heard some of this stuff from my clients before, I had yet to really experience it for myself.  I recommend that all of you find out where you are holding yourself back, declare a new goal, and get some help from an expert. I’m excited to share with you some big transformations that have already taken place from this process and help to answer the question:  What happens when I work with a Coach??

Guidance

– Like me, you may want to achieve more than you currently have, but you don’t know how.  You feel stuck, frustrated, and like you are in some kind of holding tank.  You want to do more.  You are tired of Doing It All By Yourself.

Technique

– Sometimes all it takes is to modify what you are already doing and make small adjustments.  There were exercises that I had COMPLETELY Ruled Out because of my injuries.  Kris has shown me how to do proper technique so I don’t hurt myself.  He’s helping me build opposing muscles so I can handle more weight.

Personalized Program

– I used to train with a group when I did Rowing in college.  I loved the comradery, but I never felt like I was learning specific individual skills.  I didn’t know how to best use my strength, train my body type, or give myself rest days.  Working with an individual coach speeds up progress.

Accountability

– Sometimes the best thing is that someone else is showing up.  I know I have a time slot going and someone else is going to be there.  My friend is working out with me.  I need to be accountable.

Commitment

– I’m not going to lie, some days I just don’t want to do it.  I’m tired, my body hurts, I’m exhausted.  But, just the sheer fact that Someone Else Is Committed to ME keeps me going.  I’ve done more just because I knew someone else believes in me.

Motivation

– We do more when we are motivated.  When someone else is giving us help, a stern look, or a ‘come on, you can do it!’ we rise to the challenge.  We dig down and pull from somewhere we didn’t know existed.

Changing the Idea of What You Thought Was Possible

– When someone else is encouraging us to reach new heights, they are changing our ideas of what we even thought was possible.  Suddenly the Impossible seems Possible.  We get stronger.  The old possibilities seem small by comparison and we learn to think bigger, press onward, and challenge ourselves more.

Excuses

– All of these skills help us to overcome our Old Stories, or excuses we used to tell.  When I would hear myself telling my Old Story, I hated it.  Even as it came out of my mouth, it seemed like such a weak excuse.  I didn’t like talking about “my injury” or identifying with something that felt weak.  When we no longer need to justify our Old Story, it opens us up for a total change of thinking.

Change in Mindset

– One interesting thing that happens working with a coach is that you can eventually hear their voice in your own head.  I’ll be doing curls on my own and hear “Relax your shoulders.  Keep your abs in.”  That voice wasn’t there before!!  When you begin to hear their voice as your own, something very special has happened.  You have changed your entire outlook about the topic.  You have reached a level where you can begin to coach yourself!!

What are the areas in YOUR LIFE that you would like to improve?

What Old Stories have you been telling yourself to Stay Stuck?

How could you benefit by getting a Coach?

What would it FEEL LIKE to move past your Old Stories and realize a WHOLE NEW YOU??!!

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Interview with Cath Duncan, Mine Your Resources

As part of the inspiring force to help you ‘take the leap of faith’, we will be conducting mini interviews featuring global entrepreneurs who have become “Business Backpackers”.  Because we are all busy traveling, working, and having loads of fun, it is a short list of questions that will hopefully give you a quick glimpse of others “Living the Life”.

This month’s  mini-view comes from Cath Duncan, life coach, writer, and author of the blog site Mine Your Resources.   Her site is one of my favorites, and I land there often, whenever I need a ‘Pick Me Up’ or some inspiration for life.  Cath is a great example of someone living an unconventional life with a business that will travel.  She also has a wonderful charity project her and her husband are working on, learn more by reading Extreme African Adventures and How to Create More Meaning in Your Life.

What is your passion and how are you sharing it with the world?

I’m most passionate about Agile Living and helping people to develop the mind and life management skills that’ll enable them learn and change easily, so they can thrive in a high-change world and create the life they want.

The main thing that gets in the way of us learning and changing easily and being who we want to be is fear, so I love helping people to develop a positive, resourceful relationship with their fears. Fear is an incredibly resourceful emotion and it only expands when we try to ignore or fight it, so I teach people how to mine the resources in their fears, so they can create the life they want.

One of my main projects is the Bottom-line Bookclub, where I help people to accelerate, deepen and apply their personal development learning by providing learning programs that give them the Bottom-line on the highest-leverage ideas and the most effective change tools in the best personal development books.

I also coach people one-on-one through major changes they’re making or wanting to make, and I share a lot about how to learn and change more easily on my blog, Mine Your Resources and in the monthly free expert teleseminars that I host.

Where in the world are you now and how did you end up there?

I’m living with my husband, Andy, in Cape Town, South Africa for a few months and we’ll head off again in the new year. We’re still deciding our next location. We’re keen to live somewhere we haven’t lived before – there’s still so much of the world we want to see.

I work online, because that’s the most agile small business model I’ve found and it allows me to easily change my location and other big parts of my life and keep doing the work I love doing, without having to start all over again with building my business.

What would you say was the most challenging part of getting to where you are now?

I found it really hard to uncover what sort of work I wanted to do. Creating and working has always been very important to me – even as a child, I was unusually “productive” and created little projects for myself.

We’re taught to look at the different categories of jobs that already exist in the world, choose one to do for the rest of your life, and then go and follow the linear, pre-determined path into that job by doing the “right” training, starting in the “right” junior jobs to get the “right” experience, and then working your way up, making a life-long career out of it. I guess this process suits some people, but it didn’t work for me, and I think it’s rapidly becoming outdated in our high-change world. At some point I realized that I didn’t want to try to fit myself into a job because I couldn’t find one that I felt I could fit well enough into, and I realized that I needed to invent my own work and workstyle around the values that were important to me and the activities I loved doing.

That sounds simple and straightforward, but getting clear on my values and what I loved doing, and then creating a platform and the necessary scaffolding to make it possible to get paid to do it has been way tougher and has taken a lot longer than I’d thought it would. I didn’t realize that it was going to take so much soul-searching and I didn’t expect all the existential and identity crises that it triggered. And when it comes to setting up the systems and scaffolding to make a successful business out of the stuff I love doing, it’s been a relentless and steep curve of continuous personal and professional learning. It’s probably a good thing that I was so naive, or else I might never have taken the leap!

Inspiring words and advice for others interested in going global & putting lifestyle first…

1.) Live lean.

You don’t need all the “things” that the media says you need, in order to be happy, and that stuff just creates the pressure for you to work harder and longer so you can earn more money and buy that stuff you think you need. You can create a lot of financial freedom by dropping the desire for “building a fort” and collecting stuff.

2.) Realize that the quality of your life is all about the quality of your thinking.

The only way you can experience the world or decide what to create in the world is through your own thoughts, so your greatest resource is your own ability to think. Developing your ability to use your whole mind is the most important investment you can make. Don’t skimp on developing your thinking, and be willing to review and renew your thinking by questioning your assumptions often.

3.) Prioritize action over planning.

You can do all the research and reading in the world, but most of the things that’ll make the biggest difference in your happiness and success in life can’t be controlled or planned, and at the end of the day knowledge is worthless unless you use it and take action.

Connect With Cath:

http://www.mineyourresources.com/
http://twitter.com/cathduncan
http://twitter.com/bottomlinebkclb

and… Don’t forget to check out her Bottom-line Bookclub!  Cath is running a special till December 18th for a 2 for 1 six month gift subscription! Click below for details!!
Two-for-one 6-month Gift Subscription Special

Questions?  Comments?  Leave ‘em below!

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Overcoming Suffering and Achieving Lasting Happiness… Words from the Dalai Lama

It happens to all of us…we find ourselves caught up in the woes of life.  We have a bad day, bad experience, someone says something mean to us, or we make a stupid decision.  We begin to experience suffering, and realize the fragility of our own circumstance.

If you are anything like me, when these moments set in, you begin to question life… question existence… and attempt to answer the age old question…

“Why am I here?”

I wish for all of our sakes that I could figure this one out.  In fact, I spend a lot of time trying to get to the root of questions like this on a regular basis.  With so much suffering in the world, why is it that we keep going?  Why do we still want to move towards happiness, and away from pain?  Is this journey just about overcoming suffering, and finding lasting happiness?  Isn’t that what we all really want?

Suffering

The Dalai Lama states:

“Suffering and pain are inalienable facts of life.”

In order to better understand lasting happiness, we must first explore the depths of suffering.  In the Dalai Lama’s book, Ethics for the New Millennium, he describes two forms of suffering: avoidable forms, and unavoidable forms.

1. Avoidable Forms – Cause and effect scenarios that are avoidable such as: war, fighting, our economic situation, mental and emotional states, level of education, health, and how we take care of ourselves.
2. Unavoidable Forms – Situations or conditions that we do not influence or create such as: natural disasters, aging, death, and general uncertainty of life.

In our lives, we tend to react equally to both.  Either form comes up in our lives and seems surprising to us.  Even the events that we brought on ourselves seem shocking. Our job is to realize when we are doing this, and to change our behavior.  We may not be able to avoid all suffering, but at least we can stop the cycles that are coming from avoidable forms of suffering.

Our Struggle with Suffering

Because we cannot predict when we will be met with adversity, we feel confused.  We are further confounded by thinking the following ways:

If I was doing this “right”, I would not be suffering.

If I am being a good person, being virtuous, and helping others, I should not suffer.

Additionally, we think that if we do the right things, we will experience contentment.  However, “…undermining everything we do, there is the suffering lack of contentment which arises even when we achieve all that we have striven for.”

Maybe you have experienced this in your life?

“And if this were not enough… the very experiences which ordinarily [should bring us pleasure] turn out themselves to be a source of suffering.”

So, my conclusion… No matter how hard we try, or what we do, there will always be some form of unavoidable suffering that will surface.  We cannot actually Do Anything to stop suffering, but, “the degree to which suffering affects us is largely up to us.”

Changing Your Mindset Around Happiness

Just as there are two kinds of suffering, I believe that there are two kinds of happiness:  conditional happiness, and unconditional happiness.  Much like the two forms of suffering, we set up rules and structures about how we feel based on What Happens To Us.  Read about the two types of happiness, and see what rules you are playing by.

Conditional Happiness

Conditional happiness is based on false hopes, imaginary expectations and situations or people outside of our control.  Here is the mindset, or recurring thought process…

I can be happy when…

• I’ve got it all figured out
• I buy this next…
• I have my new…
• I accomplish…

I would be happy if…

• my relationship was…
• my boss was…
• my family acted…
• people would treat me…

I can feel safe and secure when…

• I have X money in the bank
• I make X dollars a month
• my retirement fund is X
• My mortgage is paid down to X

Unconditional Happiness

Unconditional happiness is based on accepting reality, realizing and appreciating where we are, focusing on controlling our behaviors, emotions, and life experience that we create.

We can achieve this by practicing the following steps…

STEP 1:  Realize happiness is a choice, NOT a circumstance.

You cannot create a world insulated from suffering but you can create an attitude devoid of suffering.

STEP 2:  Realize when you are creating suffering that IS AVOIDABLE, and Stop It!

Try to catch yourself and change your behaviors when you are…Participating in Negative Thoughts, Creating Drama and Gossip, Being Emotionally Reactive, Creating Conflict, or Choosing behaviors with a Negative Consequence to your Health and Well Being.

STEP 3:  Understand the conditional happiness rules you have set up and how limiting those constraints are for ourselves and others.

If you can only be happy when…and if someone acts…and if you have…  You are going to spend the majority of your life VERY unhappy!!

STEP 4:  Work every day on being happy No Matter What.

No matter what comes at you, what breaks, what people say or do (or Don’t say or Do)… focus on being happy.  Try to build yourself to the point of Unshakable Happiness.

STEP 5:  Repeat steps 1 – 4 until you die.

This is something that we must work on Every Day.  It is a challenge to build unconditional happiness, but in order to be happy, we must do it!  Do it for yourself, do it for others, but everyday, get up and just do it.

If we can train ourselves to be happy…not Because of what is happening, but rather, DESPITE what is happening, we have truly achieved greatness.

*all quotes taken from His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s book, Ethics for the New Millennium

*photo source: http://www.writespirit.net/authors/dalai_lama/pictures

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Changing Yourself, or Changing the World?

Alexander Solzhenitsyn said, “If you want to change the world, who do you begin with, yourself or others?”

I believe if we we begin with ourselves and do the things that we need to do and become the best person we can be, we have a much better chance of changing the world for the better.

Arianna Huffington

Inner desire to Change

When we aren’t in balance, we sense an inner desire to change.  Where it comes from, I don’t know.  Maybe it is our internal compass.  Regardless, we begin to feel uncomfortable doing the same things that once brought us joy, happiness, and contentment.  We are dissatisfied with the things or people around us and we don’t know what it is.  Even before you begin identify what it is, you know:  Something’s GOT To Change!

Desire to help others

Sometimes we get distracted and put our focus on helping those around us.  Helping others feels good, and if we are making a difference, we should feel better, right?  My answer to this might seem confusing.  I would say that sometimes by helping others, we are actually just distracting ourselves from helping ourselves.

How many people do you know that seem to take care of everyone around them, but they neglect themselves? This can show up by weight gain, negative attitudes, illness, stress or just general fatigue.  Some people turn to vices such as drugs, alcohol and cigarettes.  One example I’m sure you have all seen is a doctor or nurse outside of their work smoking.  How does this even make sense?

Where our efforts are best served…

Until we learn to take care of ourselves, our efforts are all for naught. I had heard this many times before but didn’t really understand what it meant.  One day, I was listening to an inspirational CD and this question was posed:

If your energy was suddenly converted to money, you would have a certain amount in the bank.  Let’s call this your Emotional Bank Account.  Every time someone comes by and needs you, you give away a portion.  Eventually, there is Nothing Left!  How are you filling your emotional bank account?

The point was twofold. One is that we can’t just give away all that we’ve got.  Two is that we need to sort out how to fill that account back up, or we aren’t any use to anyone around us!

Helping Ourselves

When we choose to help ourselves, we really are helping others. When we fill our life with activities that energize and motivate us, we fill up our emotional bank account. We actually Have More to Give!

• Take a moment to think of what activities bring you joy.
• When do you feel your happiest?
• What activities give you more energy?
• What moments bring you peace?

Your level of commitment to these activities Will Change Your Entire Life.

If you put these as your number one priority, you win.  You will feel better, look better, and radiate joy.  In essence, if you prioritize yourself, you become a better person on the planet.

Living as an example

The best thing you can do with your life is to live as an example of your own joy.  Doing activities that bring you joy will keep you inspired.  This shows, and soon other people around you will begin to see your enthusiasm.  If they see someone inspired, it will catch on.  You are changing the world by doing what you love and leading by example.

Letting others come to us

When I first started my business, I didn’t do this at all.  I was taught to go running around and find people.  I went all over for networking events.  I became a public speaker.  I just about made myself crazy trying to be everywhere all at once.  What a nightmare!

When I decided that the best thing I could do was to take my own advice and live as an example, everything changed. I became more balanced.  I set better boundaries with my time.  I refused to participate in the drama.  I could work on myself and my business and let people come to me.

I’ve now taken this approach with friendships, relationships, and opportunities.  Rather than running all over the place, invite people to show up.  Literally and figuratively, we can put out an intention and let it arrive.

Conclusion

By Living a inspirational lifestyle, you are saving the world.  Your focus, friendships, and relationships will improve.  You will have more energy to put towards your cause.  You will be taking care of yourself and inspiring the world around you to do the same.  Take a look through your list of activities that bring you joy and figure out where to put them in your schedule.  Don’t forget to schedule these activities FIRST, because by helping yourself, you really are saving the world!!  By building up your emotional bank account and living as an example, you will find that you actually have more to give back to everyone around you (what better example can you think of for changing the world?!?)

“Even vast sweeping social change has to start inside the mind and heart of one person at a time.”

–Lee Carrol, Indigo Children

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Top Ten Ways To Reduce Your Stress NOW

I was studying the PADI manual for Rescue Diving when I came across this:

Stress can be real or imagined.  Whether or not the stress is real, the body will begin to react to the stress as if it is real.

Newsflash:  Most of our stress is imagined.

If you need proof of this, look out your window on a ‘good day’ and my guess is it looks pretty much the same as it does on a ‘bad day’. The only thing that has changed is our perception, and our attitude. The rest of the world goes on much the same from day to day.  What I care about is You, and I’d like to help you by sharing some tactics I’ve learned about getting back to positive and dramatically increasing your productivity. That is where you are going to make your difference and help the world. Check it out: Ten Ways to Actively Reduce Your Stress:

1. Learn How to Breathe

When I was diving in Ko Ha, my instructor Rob was briefing me before we went diving.  I explained to him that I had problems with buoyancy and needed more weights than normal.  He smiled and said, “No you don’t, you just need to learn how to breathe!” Rob went on to tell me this:

“When people are underwater, they are not relaxed.  They are trying to go down, but they are breathing rapidly, which fills your lungs up with air and makes you more buoyant.  When you are heading in a direction you don’t want to go (i.e. up), you begin to panic even more.  This cycle keeps you going where you don’t want to go.  What you need to do is learn how to relax your breath and direct where you are going with your breath.  For example, if you are trying to go lower, take long slow breaths, or breathe out more than in.  Or, to go up, instead of kicking, just focus on your breath.”

When we got to the ocean floor, I did an exercise where I laid on the bottom and practiced my breathing.  I took a deep breath, and rose up.  I let it out and sank.  I took long inhales and let out the air quickly and was able to move up easily without any kicking!  I continued to direct my entire dive and buoyancy with my air intake and outtake, and the experience was amazing! I could literally change where I wanted to go just by changing my breathing! You can do this with your emotions, too.  When you are stressed out, your breathing gets all out of whack. Your short huffy breaths are not getting oxygen to your system and then you cannot think. Until you stop, breathe, and take long deep breaths, you can not direct your situation to something better.  Plus, as a bonus, it is really hard to think about being angry and your breathing at the same time.  Let your breath direct your position in life!

2. Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body

My friend Lisa is great.  She and I frequently talk about our latest epiphanies and one day she told me this:

“We are totally disconnected from our bodies.  Most days, we are just a bunch of heads floating around thinking about what we need to do next!  We have Got To get back into our bodies and get connected!”

Here is the thing:  if you are a thinker, you probably over-think everything.  I’m super guilty of this.  I have a strategic plan in my head before I even get out of bed in the morning.  I frequently have to stop myself from being too heady and actually get moving. Moving your body pumps the blood and circulates the oxygen where the best ideas come from!  So don’t hesitate, motivate!

3. Check Your Vitals

How many of us get started on a project and forget about our very basic vitals like eating, drinking, going to the bathroom, and sleeping.  Working on overdrive without any fuel is a bad combination.  If you are task oriented and have problems walking away and taking care of yourself, try this:  set a buzzer.  Turn on a timer in another room, or set a notification on your computer to stop and take time to replenish your vitals.  Your work will improve dramatically and you can fuel your projects further.

4. Change Your Environment

Stressed?  Go outside.  Take a walk and find some greenery.  Play with animals, watch them, hug a tree, watch bugs, watch people, realize there is more that exists than just you. Sometimes we get stressed out because we think we are the only ones playing this big silly game and that we have to figure it out all by ourselves.  Getting out of your environment will help you shift your thoughts and change your perspective!!

5. Unplug

Sometimes I want to bitch-slap my computer. I get everything all set up, and it locks up.  I have all the right windows open, and it shuts down.  I think my laptop is plugged in and it runs out of battery.  When this kind of stuff happens, it is time to:

JUST WALK AWAY FROM THE TECHNOLOGY

It will get better later, and you need a break.  Walk away, stretch your cramped body, take a break, and come back refreshed.

6. Plan Breaks in Your Schedule

Speaking of breaks, you should have them planned into your schedule.  I do an exercise with my clients where I help them to build a schedule for their Ideal Lifestyle.  It’s funny, because most of my clients forget to put in the basics, like taking breaks, eating, and creating recovery time. We are far more productive if we don’t work ourselves to death. Sound silly?  Do you take breaks?  Do you try to push through when things go wrong, or can you go chill in the hammock and come back stronger?  Get your nearest Kit Kat and gimme a break.

7. Control Your Control Issues

Here’s a great one for us overachiever, super results driven, perfectionist control issued business owners… Who’s got control? If you find yourself in a situation that feels out of control, is your first instinct to fix it?  A better question would be, do I even have the ability or control to fix this? Oftentimes, I get caught up in trying to fix things that I don’t even have control over. The Thais have a great solution for this, they just simply say Mai Pen Rai, or it’s Finished.  No explanation, and just walk away.  If you don’t have control over someone or something (*and really, who does?*) you may be better off just walking away.

8. Stop Spinning & Get Centered

I do this often.  I will stop what I’m doing in the midst of a project and go lie down. I’m not napping, I am taking a moment to settle my thoughts and get centered. Often I amass ridiculous amounts of information at a time.  In order for me to reorganize this information and actually DO something with it, I have to get centered.  I’ve found the most effective way to do this is to go lay down and focus on my breath while letting the information settle. Invariably, it the information stops spinning and settles into a logical place.  Then I can go back to a project and work efficiently.  Do you have something you can do when you start spinning?

9. Recondition Your Mind

Think you can get to happy without actually trying for it?  Guess again.  Us happy people are working harder to stay positive. It doesn’t take much effort or creativity to be a Negative Nancy.  But it takes some Massive Skillz to be a Positive Patty! I hit lows, and way lows, but I’m getting better at knowing what gets me back up and moving.  Part of knowing how to bounce back is having some tricks up your sleeve. Here are a few of mine:  dance music, positive books, reading other motivational blogs, writing, talking to friends or going out, movies, and mantras.

10. Make Mantras

For those of you that haven’t found the switch in your brain to turn off the noise, I recommend reconditioning with mantras.  They really work, and I’ve spent a lot of time making flash cards and pulling some of my favorite sayings and quotes into this list I’m going to share with you.  I don’t have the credits of where these came from, some from me, authors I like, and just general concepts I’m trying to believe in… but I encourage you to Take Action Now, and if nothing else, make some Magic Mantra cards that you can pick up when you are feeling down. My Magic Mantras:

• I am ready to live with an open heart.
• I am open and ready to relinquish expectations, timelines, and control.
• I call in the miracle of money!
• I feel safe.
• I am open and ready to embody wealth and abundant living!
• Thank you for your help, guidance, and encouragement to easily complete my goals.
• You will never be ready; But you can get ready.
• Thank you for providing all of the resources I need to do your work.
• The Universe is Perfect!
• I am calm and relaxed.
• I am open and ready to practice forgiveness.
• I am open and ready to do your work and be a Universal messenger.
• I have everything already.
• I practice unconditional love.
• There is a difference between knowing and doing.
• This is the Perfect Process.
• Don’t push the river.
• Remember, you are a golden child of an eternal Universe.  You are blessed completely!

Got any more ideas?  Share them below!!  I’m always interested in learning more from you all!

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How To Make Life Decisions in Uncertain Times

“Giving up our attempts to control things forces us to face the reality that life is really nothing but uncertainty.”

–Swami Chetanananda

We are in a fascinating time of great change.  Sometimes, it feels like everything around us is changing—and all at once!  It is easy to become overwhelmed and distracted and feel confused about where to focus your attention.  What do we do?  Where do we turn?  Who are we in the midst of all of this uncertainty?

What is Uncertainty

About ten months ago, I decided to start off on a journey of running my business from different places around the world.  My first destination was Thailand.  I had all kinds of ideas about what I would be doing, how long I would stay, and how I would spend my time.  Boy was I wrong!  Everything changed the second I got here.  I had to suddenly deal with the fact that I no longer had ANYTHING in my life that was certain.  Everything from where I was living, eating, working, who my friends are, what language I’m speaking, how much money I had—everything became fluctuating variables.

At first, I started to panic.  What was happening?  Was I doing something WRONG?  Why does everything seem so out of control?

Then, suddenly, a voice of reason from my head, “If you had all this figured out, You Would Be TOTALLY Bored.”

I laughed aloud.  That was absolutely right.  It was then that I realized that we are not here to have everything all figured out.  Uncertainty is something we are going to have to deal with OUR ENTIRE LIVES, and we better just accept it, relax into the idea of constant change, and move on.

Is Anything Really Certain?

“…relax gradually and wholeheartedly into the ordinary and obvious truth of change.  [When we do this] we begin to understand that we’re not the only one who can’t keep it all together.  We no longer believe that there are people who have managed to avoid uncertainty.”

–Pema Chodron

Do you know anyone that can avoid uncertainty?

When it comes down it, nothing in our lives is certain.  This is frightening, and we do all kinds of things to try to avoid this reality.  But what if we just accepted it?  What if we embraced that the only thing we can really change in our lives is our perception of events, our emotional response, and our attitude to change?

Since we know that we are destined to live a life of uncertainty, we might as well get comfortable making decisions in uncertain times.  Change can be scary, but take a look through these tips and see if you can get a better handle on making decisions…

Five Tips Making Better Decisions

1. Stop thinking that the idea is to Figure Everything Out. Your job isn’t to figure everything out, it is just to be happy and sort out answers to what’s right in front of you.

2. Focus on What is In Front of You RIGHT NOW. Most of the time, we are fighting  a battle, trying to control the future.  You cannot safeguard yourself from future woes.  The best thing you can do is participate to make the best Now that you can, and move forward.

3. Learn how to Relax in the Midst of Change.  One thing I like to do is imagine the eye of a hurricane.  Even in the worst kind of chaos, there is a still point.  Find it and get centered.

4. Focus on your Values. If you need to make a decision, best to consult how it fits in with your values.  How would you feel if you made this choice?  How would you feel if you made that one?  Spend some time determining why, and usually a clear answer will appear.
Remember…

5. You Can Always Change your Mind.  Everything is temporary, and we have the greatest gift to try something, and if it doesn’t work, we simply change our mind.  Don’t be afraid to take action, see what happens, and if you don’t like the results… just change your mind!

Potential, Possibility, and Freedom

In conclusion, we are in times of great change.  You are likely to not have all of the answers, or even most of them.  The best we can ultimately do is accept our situation, realize we don’t have control over all of the outcomes, focus on what is in front of us, relax into accepting that change is inevitable and move forward.  By relying on our core values, we can do our best and see what happens.  And in the end, we can always change our mind if we don’t like the outcome!!  When we can make friends with uncertainty, we can find a new sense of authenticity and ultimately find freedom in the midst of change.

“…the experience of uncertainty contains the potential for living authentically and truly.  It holds the spectrum of infinite potential, possibility, and freedom.”

–Swami Chetanananda

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Letting go of the Fairytale and Taking Personal Responsibility

Here it is.  The moment of truth.  I, like most of my female counterparts, have held onto the Disney dream that it was only a matter of time until the man in shining armor arrived at my door, ready to tell me wonderful things, take me amazing places, and pay off my credit card debt.  He’s handsome, strong, and happy to do it.  Oh, and he is perfectly balanced, has his career (as Prince Charming) completely figured out, and rolls around in money from investment funds that he has mastered.  As much as I hate to admit this, I have held onto the idea that:

Some Man Somewhere is going to Rescue Me

There.  I said it.

Sigh.

There is a Big Reason why I am posting this.  It is not a female rant about men, nor is it only geared towards women readers.  I want to spend a bit of time in this post talking about our upbringing and how it shapes us.  But mostly, I want to talk about stepping up and taking Personal Responsibility.

Putting Relationships First

We tend to get distracted by what is going on around us.  Specifically, we get distracted in our lives by Personal Relationships.  In my life, my family values personal relationships more than anything.  Especially on my mother’s side of the family.  The amount of family activities and involvement was overwhelming to me growing up and I remember feeling at an early age that there was always an event to rush off to.  As I got older, I began to opt out of many of these events, eventually moving out of the state and became less active in the family activities side of my personal relationships.

When I talk to my family and friends, the first information they want to know is about my love life.  Who am I dating, how is it going?  Is there potential there?  I know women tend to spend a considerable amount of time talking to eachother about the relationships in their lives.  I wonder if it is genetic—like somehow we’ve personally taken on the responsibility of ALL THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THE WORLD.

It wasn’t until recently that I had the epiphany of discovering how much time is wasted trying to figure out other people.

Truth be told, my main function, my Whole Life has been mostly on this Disney directed idea that I was going to find myself a man, and then life would get better.

Playing Around with our Careers

When our main focus is dependent on our relationship, we are really just playing around with our careers. We know we need to have a focus, and do something meaningful, but when Mr. Wonderful comes along, we are all too eager to jump ship and follow his success.  I have done this before.  I was once engaged, and left my high-paying job in California to move to Colorado.  I ended up breaking off the engagement and realized what a terrible mistake I made.  I was also was in a long-term relationship where he made the major income.  We moved for his career, not mine.  This is neither right nor wrong, and in each case, what I want to point out is this:

1. I put my responsibility in someone else’s hands.
2. They didn’t want to take responsibility of me.
3. I didn’t like how it felt to have someone else feel like they needed to take care of me.

What Disney forgets to cover in its Relationship 101 course is that there are feelings and emotions that go along with being carried off on the white horse into the sunset.

We know from statistics that most relationships end over issues related to money.  Is this any surprise?

What We See and What We’re Taught

We, as women have been taught to get educated, be more masculine, and go into a career world, be aggressive, and fight for a dream that we mostly don’t want.  I’m sorry, but the idea of working my ass off forty or more hours a week, and cooking, taking care of my house, myself, and someone else is Not Exactly My Idea of Fun! So, somewhat secretly (until now) I’ve been holding onto the dream that I could step gracefully into a relationship or job or situation where I wouldn’t have to deal with this kind of pressure.

I grew up in a very affluent town.  Many of the moms had the choice of working.  When I moved to California, I worked for CEO’s who had stay at home wives, nannies, housekeepers, and the kind of homes that people were always showing up to.  The gardener, landscaper, architect, carpet cleaner…you name it, they had it.  I had kept myself in my comfort zone by always ending up in situations where the male was the main provider, and I just needed to show up.  I helped organize these people and their lives.  I handled everything from the kids to the property management, travel planning, you name they needed it—I did it.  But the reality was: I was a paid additional stay at home mom.  I was an extra.  I was still in the world of making a man responsible of me.

Reality Sucks

That reality didn’t really sit too well with me.  I was somehow dependent on a situation instead of myself. I was continually putting myself in a situation where a man was providing for my wellbeing, instead of myself. I was still following the Disney Guidelines and waiting for another Disney Rescue.  By living in Disneyland, I could forego most of my personal responsibility. I could continue to put my financial responsibility in someone else’s hands.  I could continually focus primarily on my relationship with men.  I could keep getting educated, without ever stepping out with what I knew.  I could be dependent on seeking approval from everyone.

So here is the deal.  I realized it’s time to suck it up and face reality.  The real deal is that we need to take ownership of ourselves, and take it up a notch when it comes to personal responsibility.  The rest of what we do is just a cop out, an excuse, a fantasy, or even worse…a distraction.  So, embrace the fact that Reality Bites, and let’s get moving on up!

• Taking Financial Responsibility: I always say this, and I’ll say it again (because it’s true!)  You have two choices with money:  You can Earn More, and You can Spend Less. You want more money right now?  There are your options.  If you choose to do both, you will have much more money!  Sound simple?  It’s a simple concept, but it takes real action.  We have to change our behaviors in order to make this really work.  Want to stop shopping?  Stop going to the mall.  Want to earn more money?  Kick it up a notch.  Nobody’s stopping you (except, well…maybe YOU!)
• Putting Relationships on the Backburner: Guilty as charged.  This one is my biggie.  I need to shelf the relationships and focus on my career.  By putting myself first, I can get focused and stop Disneylanding around.  If I choose to let go of the man fantasy, I can focus on something far better:  creating a life and income that supports itself, anywhere in the world. Kick that, Cosmo!
• Educating as an Expert: Way too often, we are looking for the answers outside of ourselves.  We think we need one more degree, one more book, and one more piece of information before we can be…well…whole.  WRONG!  Here is the biggest bit of info I can give you:  You already have the answers.  Step it up in your life and in your field and take the main-stage. You are ready, so get up there and start educating others.  Be the expert.
• Get Money, Not Approval: I’ve spent too many years of my life trying to get approval.  I wanted to be liked, wanted to fit in, wanted to be polite, wanted to be quiet.  The reality is, I am who I am—and you can like me or not.  If you are skilled and talented (which I’m sure you are) you should commit to getting paid for what you know.  Stop worrying what people are going to think of you and get paid.  You will care less about the haters if you have the life of your dreams. It’s the prime time of your life…get out there and go get ‘em!

Comments?  Thoughts?  What Fairytales are you holding on to?

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How to Live an Exceptional Life of Meaning

“Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted…  Would you capture it, or just let it slip?

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment.  You Own It.  You better never let it go! You only get one shot do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity only comes once in a lifetime…”

-EMINEM, Lose Yourself

We’ve got one shot.  We have one life to live, and we may as well make it exceptional.  Each of us has an opportunity to make an impact, making the world a better place by helping others.  This is the more challenging path to take in life and it requires unconventional thinking, unflagging commitment, relentless self-analysis, and indestructible inspiration.  The purpose of this article is to assist you in strengthening these areas and encourage you to live an exceptional life.

Storm the Norm

Becoming an individual requires you to break the rules and go against the norm.  Yet, we have all been conditioned by our upbringing and society to act accordingly and fit in.  In my journey of becoming who I really am authentically, I have learned that I need to go beyond just questioning the norm, but to take it by storm.  Key steps to storming the norm:

• Question Authority
• Think For Yourself
• Seek Opportunities
• Take Daily Action Towards Your Dream

By spending time questioning authority, you allow for new ideas to come in.  Think for yourself and tap into your true desires to decide what you really want for your life.  Seek out opportunities and information from like minded individuals.  And make sure to take daily action towards your dream.  No one is going to do this for you.  You must step it up and put yourself on the path of living your individual dream, now.

Commit to Your Destination & Burn Your Boats!

While you may not know all of the details of how you will accomplish your dream, you can take steps to identify it and move towards it now.  There is no better example of commitment than the example of burning your boats.

You may be familiar with the story of Spanish Conquistador Hernando Cortez and his famous journey to Mexico.  His destination was determined, and upon arrival, Cortez advised his crew to, “Burn the Boats!”

I can only imagine the scene of six hundred plus watching their only way home go up in flames.  But what mission could be clearer?  They had to win; they no longer had any other option.  Cortez was a genius, he gave them no excuses, no outs, no other alternative.  His crew was forced to commit.  And they won.

What if you dedicated yourself so completely to your goal that you were willing to never go back.  You were ready to move forward despite any obstacle, large or small.  What if you were so committed to your goal that you were willing to Burn the Boats?

Mission Possible

In order to be successful at any endeavor, you must first believe that your mission is possible.  Realize this up front:  you will have to face many obstacles and bumps along the way.  Part of understanding that your mission is possible is harnessing the ability to move through obstacles fearlessly!  This is a strengthening exercise of character and self-analysis.

Each fire you have to walk through will shape you and form you into the person you are to become.  These experiences will allow you to reflect upon your life and continually make adjustments.  Ask yourself the following questions to get clear on where you are and what you want:

• What do I want to achieve?
• What is my biggest challenge right now?
• What lesson do I need to learn to move past these challenges?
• How can I change my mind, attitude, or behaviors to achieve my goal?
• Who can help me achieve this goal?
• What are my next steps?

Part of moving forward fearlessly is having a plan. Spend time reflecting on your situation and write down a plan of action.  I write focused goals each week and spend the bulk of my time on accomplishing specific tasks that move my personal life or my business further ahead.  Lastly, you must find ways of staying inspired so you can stay productive and continue to build a lifestyle of meaning.

Build a Lifestyle of Meaning

There is nothing more inspirational than living a life of meaning and helping others.  Keep in mind that you are building a lifestyle, and anything that is built takes time.  To stay inspired and avoid burnout, implement the following steps:

1. Take time to celebrate your achievements.
2. Realize that by focusing on your goals and achieving them you are acting as an inspiration for everyone in your life.
3. Share your experience to light the path for those that may wish to follow you.
4. Surround yourself with an inspirational community, in person and online.
5. Lighten up, have fun and enjoy the process.

In closing, you are here to live your mission, inspire others, have fun, and become stronger in the process.  If you are doing what you love, it will show.  Take time to celebrate your accomplishments.  Understand that you are embarking on this wild ride to show others that it is possible to live their dreams.  You can help to keep up your level of inspiration by sharing information with your friends, family, and community.  Network with others that have similar values, goals, and missions.  This will help you to stay inspired while you learn to have fun in the process.  My challenge to you is to seek the lifestyle of your dreams, and live a life of true meaning.  Your hard work will make you and everyone around you stronger, so remember:

“That that won’t kill me, can only make me stronger.  Work it. Make it. Do it. Makes us… harder, better, faster, stronger.”

-Kanye West / Daft Punk, Stronger

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Interview with Greg Rollett, Rock Star Lifestyle Design

As part of the inspiring force to help you ‘take the leap of faith’, we will be conducting mini interviews featuring global entrepreneurs who have designed the life of their dreams. Because we are all busy traveling, working, and having loads of fun, it is a short list of questions that will hopefully give you a quick glimpse of others “Living the Life”.

Our third  mini-view comes from lifestyle designer Greg Rollett, who is running several cool projects at a time: Rock Star Lifestyle Design, Rock For Hunger , and Gen-Y Rock Stars.  Greg lives in Orlando, Florida and helps to inspire a variety of people to find a mission they are passionate about and share it with others.  He challenges you to “begin doing something that you not only love, but that makes a difference in the world.”

How did you know you didn’t fit in to conventional society?

I actually started my first business my senior year of high school and they let me out of school 2 hours early to do it. That first business, a record label, was really the first step towards doing something different. After high school I wanted to go to a music engineering trade school, but didn’t have the money. After 2 semesters of watching my friends in school I decided to give it a kick.

From there I got into Internet Marketing, SEO and all that good stuff that none of my friends or family understood a word of. I knew from there that I had found something fun and exciting that I could immerse myself in. Now a few years later I found my way into the Internet Business to let me work on Social Change stuff. I guess its a fun time to be someone like this!

What do you currently do & please describe a brief roadmap of the haphazard leaps of faith that got you here today…

I currently have way too much on my plate, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. My main sources of income come from social media consulting and 2 membership websites, one for young professionals and one for indie musicians. These sites allow me to do some of the things that I enjoy most in life which is teaching and helping others live the rock star lifestyle! It has also allowed me to be a part of an amazing group called Rock For Hunger, where I work the Homeless Lifestyle Design Program to help local homeless find a mindset and get back on their feet.

My roadmap keeps getting new stops, detours and fun rest stops along the way. Being married with a mortgage meant that I had to keep my day job until a replacement income came in. That part was tough to juggle, between long nights, no personal/family time and really just a burnout, I needed to start working smarter. I started turning down consulting gigs that were no longer fun and disassociated myself with some people that didn’t share my same vision.

Business plans were changed, business models were changed and ultimately I needed to create something that could run while I was out saving the world! I still don’t have everything figured out and I still have many business goals and ideas to continue my own rock star path.

Your most life changing travel place & why?

I am definitely not as cool as you and Cody and some of the LIP’s that I read about everyday. I mostly stay here in Orlando, helping my local community grow. When I do get out I love adventure sports and am planning a trip to Costa Rica for a week of volunteering and a week of surf camp.

The biggest life changing travel I have done would have to be my honeymoon trip to St. Lucia. Being on an island, seeing the cultures and having a chance to do things with no technology was just mind blowing. I honestly couldn’t see myself not checking my iPhone every 10 minutes, but the feeling of not having to rely on these devices and actually have personal conversations is a heartwarming feeling.

Encouraging words you would pass on to readers: If you could have had someone there when you took the leap of faith, what would you have needed to hear the most?

Through reading sites, books and talking to people over the last year or 2, I really changed my outlook and my life. When I was playing in a band I was always waiting for the weekend, for the next show. When I had a 9-5 it was the same way. That is not really living life. I work really hard, sometimes 60-70 hours a week, but they are for things that I care about, that I am using to make a difference and wouldn’t trade for the world.

Some other advice is that the lifestyle change wasn’t just mental. For me it took changing eating habits, getting back into fitness and working on my business that really aligned everything in the right direction. Most things can be taken in steps, as long as there is action and a desire to see the results of those actions.

Contact Greg!

Rock Star Lifestyle Design – http://www.rockstarlifestyledesign.com
Gen-Y Rock Stars – http://www.genyrockstars.com
Rock For Hunger – http://www.rockforhunger.org

& Keep on Rockin’ Your Lifestyle!!

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How to Tame Your Fears

Why do people move?

What makes them uproot and leave everything they’ve known for a great unknown beyond the horizon?

Why climb this Mount Everest of formalities that makes you feel like a beggar?

Why enter this jungle of foreignness where everything is new, strange and difficult?

The answer is the same the world over: people move in the hope of finding a better life.

-Yann Martel, Life of Pi

How far would you go to find a better life?

To what extent would you allow yourself to reinvent your life and rediscover who you are and what you really want?

Taking a journey of self-discovery is the most rewarding thing you can do with your life.  You will learn more about your thought patterns and limiting behaviors, realize who you are apart from other people’s expectations, and learn to let go of everything that is important to you. Many people fear being alone.  But you can only truly discover who you are by taking yourself out of your normal environment and face your fears, head on.

I once read: do what you fear the most.  I questioned this philosophy and realized it made perfect sense; when you recognize you’re afraid of something, you have an opportunity to confront that fear and move past it.  By addressing your fear, you clear old behaviors and renew yourself.  More becomes possible when you remove the fear.

The main battlefield for good is not the open ground of the public arena but the small clearing of each heart.

I believe we are put on this earth to live our mission and overcome our fears.  Sometimes this comes to us in stages, but often times it comes to us through crisis.  We become broken down by circumstance—which forces us to reevaluate our life.  When we face these questions, we demand answers.  But oftentimes, we are forced to move through challenging situations and find the answers by facing our fears.

What We Fear Most

With each article I have read on fear, I have noticed a consistent theme: Fear is a perception that exists only in your imagination. If we imagine something to be scary, then we believe it is scary.  The mind has no way of distinguishing between fanciful thoughts and reality.  It is based on conditioning and experience.  Therefore, the best way to conquer your fears is to adjust your mindset and face the fear head on.

1. Fear of Losing Everything

Every single thing I value in life has been destroyed.  And I am allowed no explanation?  I am to suffer hell without any account from heaven?  In that case, what is the purpose of reason…?  Is it no more than to shine at practicalities—the getting of food, clothing and shelter?  Why can’t reason give greater answers?  Why can we throw a question further than we can pull in an answer?

Are you afraid of losing everything?  Many of us stress ourselves out because we feel like we might lose it all. This fear creates constant uneasiness about our ability to maintain our basic needs.  Fear creates a fictitious solitary stance in the world; we believe we are in this on our own, and must always fend for ourselves.  Even in the crisis of ‘losing everything’, the reality is that other people would come to our aid.  We have friends, family, and loved ones that would step up and see us through a rough period.  So stop worrying!  Even if you did lose everything, you wouldn’t lose your support system and networks.

2. Fear of Being Alone

I must say a word about fear.  It is life’s only true opponent.  Only fear can defeat life.  It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know.  It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy.  It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease.  It begins in your mind, always.

In the book, Life of Pi, the main character, Pi, is traveling with his family via a large cargo ship from India to Canada.   His family runs a zoo and is transferring many of the animals to a zoo in Canada.  During the trip, the ship begins to sink and many of the animals are released into the ocean.  Pi manages to take refuge on a rescue boat with several of the animals.  Within a few moments, he watched the boat sink with his family on board and was trapped in a boat with a zebra, hyena, orangutan, and a Bengal Tiger.  Imagine the fear and utter confusion you would feel in this situation!

In our lives, we are never really alone.  There are internet connections, family and friends, social networks and people we can rely upon to get back on our feet.  While our situation might be scary or unfavorable, there are ALWAYS other people around to support us and get us through our fears.  Most of the time when a situation presents itself where we feel alone, it is only an opportunity to recognize a fear, and move forward in our lives by confronting what scares us.  This process feels lonely because facing fear is something we must do alone.

As the story progresses, the hyena eats the zebra and the orangutan and is eventually taken by the tiger.  The boy is left on the boat for a total of 227 days with the tiger.  He learns eventually that he can no longer ignore the situation.  He must confront it and tame the tiger.

3. Fear of Being Hurt or Dying

I had to tame him.  It was at that moment that I realized this necessity.  It was not a question of him or me, but of him and me.

In my opinion, we have to accept that fear- just like the tiger- is not going to go away.  It is no longer about overcoming your fears, but realizing that they will never go away, and taming them. I do not know a single individual that has completely overcome fear.  At best, we can recognize it, determine where it is holding us back, and move forward despite the fear we have.

None of us want to be hurt, or die.  But, in the course of our lifetime, is it possible to avoid either of these? Unless you have some superhuman quality I don’t, we’re all going to end up scuffed up from time to time and heading to whatever lies beyond this lifetime.  Consider it an adventure, and get on with it.

4. Fear of Failure

How does fear of failure get in your way?  Are there areas in your life that you stopped short because you were worried that you were not up to the task?

One major realization I had that helped me move past the fear of failure was this:  If I am living my life on purpose, and I am being assisted by the Universe…I can’t really ever fail.  Because, in effect, I am representing the Universe.

This takes away my personal responsibility a little bit and helps me to relax and move forward despite my fear.  I just pretend I am an agent of the Universe, and stop taking it so personally.

But, what do we do when fear and failure get the best of us?  …When we are at our lowest lows, it is best to keep in mind this is just a test…

This is Just a Test

When we face adversity, we want to give up.  We want to hide in bed.  We want to do nothing.  It doesn’t feel safe.  We feel alone.  We are struggling in an unpredictable situation with our teeth clenched and our fists raised.

But this is the test. The test is to see how we react in the face of fear.  Are we going to tame it, or hide from it.  Are we going to step up and work hard, or are we going to feel defeated?  The test is to step up in the face of fear and to know down to our bones that we will survive.  We will survive, no matter what it takes, and we will learn to look for the miracles and come to expect them, even in our most dire state.  This, my friends, is how we tame our fears.

I was giving up.  I would have given up—if a voice hadn’t made itself heard in my heart.  The voice said, “I will not die.  I refuse it.  I will make it through this nightmare.  I will beat the odds, as great as they are.  I have survived so far, miraculously.  Now I will turn miracle into routine.  The amazing will be seen every day.  I will put in all the hard work necessary.  Yes, so long as God is with me, I will not die.  Amen.”

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