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How Much Does it Cost to Live in Thailand?

Many folks take a glimpse at my lifestyle here and assume I’m swimming in cash.  The truth of it is, it’s cheaper to live abroad than you might imagine!  It is far cheaper to live here than it is to travel, and if you look at rental costs versus the price of hotels, you can see why.

I realize living abroad is not for everyone, but for those interested, I wanted to share some actual figures and costs that you would experience while living here.

One of the main reasons that I chose Thailand is that I’ve been here before.  I knew that it was cheap, with friendly locals, and easy enough to travel around.

What I didn’t consider and wouldn’t have known until living here…

• How affordable it is to live here
• What great food you can have on a regular basis
• The incredible amount of international friends I would make
• The valuable experience running a business abroad
• Other work and volunteer opportunities that would present themselves

As Tim Ferriss denotes in his book The Four Hour Workweek, it is much better to live in a country where you can leverage the dollar.  The simple fact is that my money is worth three times as much here than it is in the U.S. This has enabled me to live a near-luxury lifestyle while working in very small amounts.  You can also add on a job that gives you security, visa, and more cash (and lets you save while experiencing another country).  I’ve been doing this with teaching, and loving it.

Anyway, I’ve been living a pretty kick-ass lifestyle for roughly $800 a month. Here’s a breakdown of my expenses so you can see for yourself how this would work for you…

Budget: One Month

$ 200 USD            Rent

$   30 USD            Utilities and Internet

$ 400 USD           Food & Entertainment

$ 70 USD              Motorbike Rental & Gas

$ 100 USD            Border Runs / Visa / Travel

________________________________________

$ 800 USD            Total

Let’s just suffice it to say that never in my life have I had the luxury to spend double my rent on food and entertainment.  For the record, YES, I have Downsized My Life…. But I find it exceedingly worth it.  And, all the while, I’m managing to save money (which, honestly, is something I Really struggled with living in the U.S.)

So, just for fun, let’s take a look at what it would cost to do a two week vacation here….

Budget: Two Week Vacation

$1,300 USD         Roundtrip Airfare

$ 450 USD            Hotel

$ 300 USD            Food

$ 200 USD            Travel / Taxies/ Transport

$ 300 USD            Tours & Entertainment

________________________________________

$2,550 USD         Total

My point is this:  For what it would cost to come here for two weeks, you could live here for THREE Months.  Seriously!  It is something to consider, not just for financial reasons, but more for what you learn by actually Living in a Foreign country.  The life experiences, cultural experiences, and friendships you can make are nothing short of life changing. Here are some photos so you can see what you can get for your money here….

Incredible Views

Most of the views around here are stunning, but I must say that mine is inspiring.  I love just waking up and looking at the huge mountain outside my sliding glass door.

Amazing Food

Most meals cost between $1-3 USD.  If you go to a very high end restaurant and order wine, expect it to be about $30 USD.  My favorite part about living here is that the food is fresh from the market and made on the spot.  I’m sure my diet is much healthier eating this way!

Fantastic Recreation

What has kept me here is the amazing amount of recreational activities.  Krabi is known for its world-class climbing and diving.  If you are in to either of these sports, you’ll love it here!  You can also go trekking, mountain biking, kayaking, and just about anything else.

Diving is cheap here, about $120 US for a day.  The courses are very inexpensive, so if you are looking to do several dives, you are better off adding a certification to your list.

Climbing for a half day is about $20 US.  If you have your own gear, its free, but I’d recommend hiring a guide so you can find the best sites easily.  Railay is pretty much the mecca of climbing and there is enough here for me to do for the rest of my life.

Making Friends From All Over the World

If you are worried about leaving your home because you are afraid of making new friends, don’t be!!  The best gift so far is the friendships that I’ve made.  Living abroad attracts the fun-loving, adventurous type.  I’ve made a ton of lifelong friends that I will be able to visit all around the world.

The cost of getting your life back?  Priceless.

One thing I hadn’t anticipated was how completely freeing it would be to live here.  I’ve never really felt so relaxed, had this much fun, or enjoyed my time anywhere else as much as I have here.  While I realize that it is just one small place, I wanted to share some of these experiences with you in hopes that no matter where you go or end up, that you can feel the same amount of freedom and joy that I have here.

Like I said before, living abroad isn’t for everyone.  But for those of you that are interested, I hope this has been  helpful and inspiring for you!!

Questions??  Comments??  Readers, please share your experiences of living abroad!!

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Music and Life – thoughts by Alan Watts

if you can’t see this video, click here

The Difference Between What We are Told and Reality

I really love this video and recording of Alan Watts because it so quickly encapsulates all of the emotions I’ve struggled with throughout my life.  We go into life not knowing any better, so we do what we’re told.  We continue along this path and at some point wake up to the reality that

a) our lives are relatively boring and mediocre

b) all of the people we’ve followed on this path aren’t especially happy or fulfilled and

c) this is not our path

((in comes panic, questioning the meaning of life, feeling genuinely ripped off, confused, and directionless))

Maybe you’ve felt this disenchantment in your life?

Personally, I’ve become disenchanted with the whole ‘game’ of being endlessly strung along for little reward.  The comfort isn’t really worth the reward in most situations, and continually trying to reach the next dangling carrot becomes less and less rewarding.

What’s Next?  What Can We Do?

Obviously, we’re still here, so we have to do something, RIGHT?

So what do we do when we become disenchanted with the ‘game of life’?

In my opinion, we rewrite it. Just like this video says, we’ve forgotten what life’s all about.  We’ve forgotten to be the composer of our own life story.  We’ve forgotten to enjoy life, and we’ve forgotten to dance.

Rewriting the Song of your Life

Now imagine if your life was a song, and you were to begin writing the song of your life.  You would consider it a thing of beauty, a joy to create, and a gift to share with others.

How might your life be different if you were to change your focus?

What if getting things done faster wasn’t the goal?

What if you could enjoy the process?

How much better would your song be?

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IF

Quite Possibly the Best Poem I’ve Ever Read…

IF

by

Rudyard Kipling

1865 – 1936

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make your dreams your master;

If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim,

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings–nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And–Which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!

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I hate Yoga.

I hate Yoga.  I don’t want to hate yoga, but I do.  It’s one of those things that I wish I liked, and I keep trying to like, but every time I’ve gone with my Mom, or a friend—no matter what gym or what instructor I’ve had, I HATE IT! Here is a typical scenario:

I am told encouragingly by the instructor to contort my body into some unnatural shape and I’m craning my neck to see what the hell she’s doing  because I don’t know the pose by name like all the other people.  I look and think, “How the hell is she doing THAT!?!”

Then I try to put my body like hers and I look down and have to stop myself from laughing because my attempt looks Nothing Like Hers.  Then, I try to refocus and I hear her say something like, “Now, hold that pose.  Go deeper into it.  Notice your breathing.”

Meanwhile, I’m precariously balanced on one foot that is shaking.  My calf muscle is twitching, and my arm that is nervously flailing around in the air and I grimace to myself, “How can I fucking concentrate on my breathing, I’m going to FALL OVER!”

The perfectly balanced people must be looking at me with compassion for the Noob (which I hate), but the thing that I like the least is that all of the poses HURT.  Like, REALLY Hurt.  I know that it is a workout, but still, it BUUURNS.  And then you have to stay stuck that way forever.  I hate it.

Before I left California (still willing myself to like yoga) I decided to try HOT Yoga.  I walked up to meet my friend who swears by yoga and I looked menacingly at the words on the glass, ‘H O T’ painted all fire and wondered WTF I was doing there.  Don’t I hate Yoga?

I went into class, or rather, the pit of Fire and Doom, and immediately started gasping for air.  It felt like inhaling fire.  So there I am inhaling fire and hating my life, holding another shaky pose with the holier-than- thou instructor looking perfectly muscular, balanced and skinny rattling off unnecessary phrases like, “Ok good, now go Deeper into the stretch.  Doesn’t that feel GOOOD?”

I’m convinced she’s mocking me by her invincible flexibility.  “What is she made of, bendy rubber?” I’m seriously sliding in my own sweat and thinking I want to kill my friend for making me go to bendy hot hell.

After class, my friend looked at me with excitement, hoping she’d converted me over to the Yoga Lover’s Club and asked me,

“How did you like it?”

“I HATED IT,” I answered, immediately feeling guilty from the look of disappointment on her face.  I’ve seen that from other Yoga converts before, so I tried to brush it off.

“Sorry,” I pleaded.  “It’s just not my thing.  Let’s go eat.  I’m starving.”

During dinner, she had me convinced that Yoga has changed her life and how good it feels and that it is just the first part that hurts.  And then you get all perfect and bendy just like everybody else in the class.  She was so Happy when she talked about it, I wished I could be that way about it.

“Just come to one more class, OK?”

“Alright,” I said reluctantly, immediately wishing I hadn’t.  I HATE YOGA!  What was I even thinking?!?!

It took me forever to make it to that second class, but it hung over me like a guilty cloud.  Why on earth had I agreed to go to sweaty bendy hell instead of just agreeing to meet for a meal or something sensible?

Here is how that class went:  Horrible. Every toxin in my whole body must’ve decided to come out that day, all at once because I was like a shaking drug addict or something.  I couldn’t get it together.  Even the easy poses were fucking nightmares and as I failed around dripping sweat and glanced at the other freaks that loved this, I hated them all.  *Especially* the eighty year old man that decided to wear Speedos and showed all his furry bits to me.

The instructor was nice enough to remember my name, and even this turned out to be bad.  She kept saying things to me like,

“Ok, Brooke, can you go a bit deeper into that pose?”

The answer was always NO. But I could at least keep it in my head.  Maybe it was the heat, though because at the second time she asked me, it became slightly audible.

And then, every time after she asked (which seemed to be every frickin’ pose) I started saying it for real until finally it was loud, “NOOOOOOOOO!”

Everyone turned to look.  She finally stopped asking me.

I walked out of there a shaky, sweaty, miserable mess wishing to god that I could keep my inside voice to myself.

I’ve never done Yoga since.  And I still hate it.

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The Biggest Secret in The World!!

Living in Thailand is funny.  Pretty much every day I am confronted by something weird, unpredictable, and mind-blowing.  To say that I have gotten used to the oddities is an understatement, because at this point of my life, I just expect things to be a bit strange.  In fact, the one thing I have recognized is this:  I will never have it all figured out.

This sent me on a questioning journey and I’ve realized some interesting cultural things.  First of all, us westerners are obsessed “figuring it all out”.  Until I changed cultures, I thought this was normal.  But having lived abroad for almost a year and a half, I’m learning that it is just western cultures that stress themselves out about this.  For some reason, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to try to figure our whole life out and the question I’m posing here today is this…

WHY?

Why do we have the need to Figure It All Out?

Is it making us HAPPY?  Is it making us RELAXED? Is it making us REAL? 

After spending much time questioning this in my own head and my own life, I have realized that the answer is:  NO!!

The pressure to have our “act together” is making us Unhappy, Stressed-Out, and Fake.  But, here is the problem…. Everybody’s doing it!!  This blog is just a little wake-up call for us to be a little more honest with each other, and a little more honest with ourselves.

The Biggest Secret in the World

OK, brace yourself!  I’m going to let you in on the biggest secret in the world.  But first, some dramatic build up…

Most of us feel the need to self-promote, showcase our abilities, and act as if we have got everything all figured out.  Looking back, I think this was the most stressful part of being an American.  Almost everyone there was portraying an image that they had their shit together, and knew what they were doing.  When I started my consulting practice, I was TERRIFIED that I would not know all of the answers, be able to help people properly, or that I would make mistakes.

It wasn’t until I started consulting with people that I realized The Biggest Secret In The World.  Each business owner would reluctantly tell me after some amount of time, and almost in a whisper of desperation,

“I have absolutely NO Idea what I’m doing!”

And after working in the field of transformational change for three years now, I can honestly answer the same way I always have,

“It’s OK, nobody does.”

Nobody.  It’s True!  So relax, because…

Nobody Has it “All Figured Out”

I think much of the problem and stress that comes from our “Civilized Society” stems from people pretending to have it all figured out.  After all, if everyone around you is playing the “I have it all figured out” game, you naturally assume that you need to do the same. 

The fantasy becomes a reality when suddenly we actually believe that everyone has their life sorted, and we become anxious, nervous, and depressed trying to play catch up and figure it out too.  This obsession spirals out of control by then mixing our own personal identity with societies’ goals and eventually we realize we can’t do it all.

All we can do is to help people with what we do know, and figure out the rest as we go along.

Not that we can’t have our own personal dream…. In fact, it is just the opposite.  We cannot realize our own personal dream if we are trying to look perfect by everyone else’s standards.  We can only find our true self, and our true happiness once we abandon the idea of looking perfect, or acting like we have it all figured out.

Just Figure Out Yourself

Once we understand this, and stop playing by everyone else’s rules, we can begin to focus on our own individual needs and dreams.  We can focus on what we want specifically from life, and what skills and gifts we want to bring to the party.  The game changes as we realize that other people’s opinions matter less and less, and we begin to put our own happiness at the forefront of our lives.

I will be the first to admit that I don’t have it all figured out!!  My wants, needs, and desires have changed over the years, but what I can say is that I have sorted out how to align my life with the lifestyle of my dreams.  When my wants or needs change, I adapt my plan and behaviors.  I’ve accepted that this is going to be an ongoing process, and that I will never be done, finished, or perfect.  The best that I can hope for at any given moment is to be real.

Comments?  Questions?  Are you stressing yourself out by trying to look perfect or figure everything out??

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Taking Care of Yourself Without the Resentment

Over the past several months, I’ve noticed a sneaky-little-emotion called Resentment.  It tends to creep in and create unproductive thoughts, stopping me in my forward momentum, and keeps me from enjoying moments in life.  Maybe you have experienced similar areas of resistance in your life?

Resenting work

One major personal realization I’ve made lately is around my attitude of work.  My whole life, I’ve repelled the idea of work.  This started at an early age for me.  Growing up with a father as a business owner, I was working full time at age 14.  This was during he summers while everyone else was sitting at the pool talking about boys.  I worked to support myself through high school, and worked and did sports teams in college. 

It seemed like there was always work to be done, and never any time for me! While my dad had all kinds of reasons why this was a good thing for me, I resented it.

I’m sure it was valuable experience, and did get me further, faster, but it also left me feeling quite strange.  Why were all these other kids getting to enjoy life, and have time off, and I was having to work so hard (as a child) to just live???

Looking at it now, I think this left me feeling unloved and like something was wrong with me.  Winning approval from my father was like trying to impress a statue.  No matter what I did or how hard I tried, there was no reaction.  Somehow, in the end, I lumped all of these feelings of inadequacy into  a pretty unhealthy attitude about having to take care of myself.  I had to take care of myself, because nobody else would.

Resenting gender roles

Gender roles can become a confusing issue when taking care of ourselves.  In many families, it is modeled that the male is more of the dominant provider while the woman tends to be more domestic and takes care of the family.  Seeing this modeling growing up, I pretty much expected that at some point there would be a man in my life that would earn more than me and take care of things. (And I, in turn, would take care of him, the house, and domestics.)

I have always resented being a female. I don’t want the traditional life of husband, house, children, but on the flip-side, it seems so difficult to break into the work-world and be taken seriously by men. It seems like males always get the break, the better jobs, and the better salaries.

Even in business, I feel I’ve had to prove myself twice as hard because I am a female.  I would think I’d be going to meet with a new client, and they just wanted to date me. Oftentimes I’ve been cast off as “just a girl” and once was asked by a former boss “Can’t you just sit there and look pretty?!?”

Resisting authority

Ever since I started teaching in Thailand, I’ve had to face massive negative thoughts and resistance.  From my alarm clock, to my boss, to my thoughts in my head, I was pretty much cursing the world until about noon each day. This went on for about the first three months.  Then, from a series of trying to just work through it and stop resisting, I was able to let it go and move past it.  It was surprising and shocking for me to realize that I could be in such a peaceful place for the past five years (not having to deal with an alarm or boss), but the second I put myself in a position of a subordinate, I was completely freaking out!

I think I’ve never really had a “real job” with regular hours or bosses or expectations because it hit all my buttons from working as a kid.

Once something “went wrong” or someone pissed me off, I would quit.  And then it was over. I think because I liked the ‘re-creating my life’ part, I saw the next thing as a new adventure, but still never really landed on anything till I started my business.  It has been a struggle, to say the least, to get it going and running from abroad…  and I am trying to make decisions that will help me stay on here longer.  Teaching is a great way to get a work permit and earn some extra money while I build my business up over the next year.  But it has helped me to realize the importance of accepting authority (rather than avoiding it) and realizing that the resisting it really has only gotten in my own way.

Resisting “what is”

I think I’ve focused most of my life on “Trying to create the perfect situation”.  Recently I was hit with the brick on my head that it NOT All About Creating the Perfect Situation, but it is also about Accepting What Is. Maybe it is about a 50/ 50 split. You can partly create an ideal situation, but no situation is completely ideal.  We all have to learn to just go along with life and handle our emotions as they come up. 

Things are going to be unpredictable, hard, frustrating, annoying, not make sense, and piss you off. I think part of taking care of yourself is learning how to handle yourself in these situations.  By becoming stronger and dealing with difficult situations (rather than avoiding them), you are actually taking better care of yourself. This was a BIG BIG BIG realization for me because it meant I don’t have to keep hopping around the globe re-creating some ideal scenario and then giving up (rather quickly) when it doesn’t “work out”. If I look back, honestly, I’ve been doing that since I was 16.

Life beyond resentment

By no means have I mastered this one yet, but what I’ve found helpful so far is to Observe the Resentment. This has been an effective exercise in helping me to see past the illusions I’m creating, and look deeper at the root cause.  Mostly, I’ve found out that these emotions fade, and I can be more enjoyable and productive if I face my resistance straight on.  When I feel my teeth clenching, my body tensing, and my head on overdrive repeating “I HAVE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE”, I now meet it with a simple question…   Why?

I continue to drill down and nearly every answer results in some sort of anxiety rooted in my childhood work situation.  Maybe I’m crazy sitting there and talking to myself like a maniac, but, honestly, it works. I continue to ask myself why I am feeling (anxious, nervous, trapped, annoyed) and more times than not, I get some form of:  because that’s what I felt as a kid and I hated it.

But why should what I felt as a child get in the way of my success as an adult?

Simply put, If I want to get beyond it, I have got to get over it. Letting go of old hurt and resistance frees up mental space and allows us to grow, so that’s what I’m going to do. I need to get over the resentment, because there is life beyond it.

That said, what are the areas of resistance in your life?

Are you holding on to any resentment that is keeping you stuck?

Thanks for your comments!!

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What ARE You THINKING? How to improve your mindset and your quality of life!

“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

William James

There’s a lot of talk these days about the Law of Attraction.  Many books are out there discussing how to focus your thoughts and get what you want by thinking positive thoughts.  More importantly than just focusing on the stuff that you want, I believe that the quality of our life comes from the quality of our thoughts.  It is as simple as this:  if you spend the bulk of your day having pleasant thoughts, you will have a good day.  On the contrary, if you have miserable thoughts, your day will suck.  We all have moments of getting caught up in the drama of our lives, so here are some quick tips of things I’ve learned to begin to change your thinking.

Observing Your Thoughts

Our minds are like any environment.  The conditions need to be right for good ideas to grow.  Thoughts grow from having an open mind and ‘can do’ attitude.  Try to observe the thoughts you have and notice what patterns come up. If it is too difficult at first to notice your thinking, listen to the words you say about different topics.  Are you closing down to people, experiences, or certain areas of your life?  What areas do you find yourself saying the words “I can’t”?  Get to know the areas of your life that you seem defensive about.  Where are your buttons pushed, and by whom?

Noticing Patterns

Once you have begun to notice your thoughts, the next step is to observe any patterns that go along with them.  Because every action has an equal and opposite reaction, see what you are reacting to.  Patterns of behavior are more predictable than you think.  Take a moment to consider your reactions to the following questions:

When things go “wrong” what do I do?

What people seem to get under my skin?  Why?

What areas of my life seem to always “go wrong”?

Linking Your Thinking to your Feelings

A great indicator of our thinking is our feelings.  If we are feeling frustrated, upset, or just having an off day, it is worth exploring our thought processes.  When we take time to get to know our own emotional reactions, we can learn more about ourselves and where we are staying stuck. Rather than responding to unfavorable situations and escalating the tension, try to remain calm, and explore your emotional reaction later during quiet time.

I recently had a situation where a friend really upset me.  I have been reading three different books about mind training and decided to try to do what they said.  I remained calm, focused on my breathing, and tried to not take it personally.  Later, I spent quite a bit of time going through the scenario in my head.  Rather than asking myself “Why did they say that to me?” I asked myself, “Why am I so reactive to that comment?”

I continued to ask questions and dig deeper until I found the source of the pain.  I realized I was being reactive to a comment because it made me feel devalued.  Because I had a strong reaction to males making me feel this way growing up, I experienced pain.  I spent time working through these older issues and realized what my friend had actually given me was a gift.  I had an opportunity to realize an old pattern, find the root cause, and forgive an old situation I had been holding onto for years!

Many of us have these Reactive Filters.  We react strongly, or overreact to people in situations that remind us of old hurts.  We try to justify our own behavior by lashing out or making the situation worse.  We do have the choice to turn hurtful situations into learning opportunities.  We can sit uncomfortably through moments and find the source later.  We can notice how these reactive behaviors are keeping us stuck and determine to work through them.  Next time you feel you are getting your buttons pushed, look deeper to see where the root of this thought process is coming from, and see if you can reprogram your old pattern.

Reprogramming our Thoughts for Better Results

The less reactive we are, the less drama that surrounds our lives.  When we can go into our own lives and take responsibility for our reactions, we free up space for better patterns.  By reprogramming our thoughts, we improve the quality of our lives.  We learn how to find more enjoyable thoughts to focus on throughout the day.  And, the better our thoughts, the happier our days.

“The calm man, having learned how to govern himself, knows how to adapt himself to others; and they, in turn, reverence his spiritual strength, and feel that they can learn of him and rely upon him.  The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good.”

-James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

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Top Ten Ways To Reduce Your Stress NOW

I was studying the PADI manual for Rescue Diving when I came across this:

Stress can be real or imagined.  Whether or not the stress is real, the body will begin to react to the stress as if it is real.

Newsflash:  Most of our stress is imagined.

If you need proof of this, look out your window on a ‘good day’ and my guess is it looks pretty much the same as it does on a ‘bad day’. The only thing that has changed is our perception, and our attitude. The rest of the world goes on much the same from day to day.  What I care about is You, and I’d like to help you by sharing some tactics I’ve learned about getting back to positive and dramatically increasing your productivity. That is where you are going to make your difference and help the world. Check it out: Ten Ways to Actively Reduce Your Stress:

1. Learn How to Breathe

When I was diving in Ko Ha, my instructor Rob was briefing me before we went diving.  I explained to him that I had problems with buoyancy and needed more weights than normal.  He smiled and said, “No you don’t, you just need to learn how to breathe!” Rob went on to tell me this:

“When people are underwater, they are not relaxed.  They are trying to go down, but they are breathing rapidly, which fills your lungs up with air and makes you more buoyant.  When you are heading in a direction you don’t want to go (i.e. up), you begin to panic even more.  This cycle keeps you going where you don’t want to go.  What you need to do is learn how to relax your breath and direct where you are going with your breath.  For example, if you are trying to go lower, take long slow breaths, or breathe out more than in.  Or, to go up, instead of kicking, just focus on your breath.”

When we got to the ocean floor, I did an exercise where I laid on the bottom and practiced my breathing.  I took a deep breath, and rose up.  I let it out and sank.  I took long inhales and let out the air quickly and was able to move up easily without any kicking!  I continued to direct my entire dive and buoyancy with my air intake and outtake, and the experience was amazing! I could literally change where I wanted to go just by changing my breathing! You can do this with your emotions, too.  When you are stressed out, your breathing gets all out of whack. Your short huffy breaths are not getting oxygen to your system and then you cannot think. Until you stop, breathe, and take long deep breaths, you can not direct your situation to something better.  Plus, as a bonus, it is really hard to think about being angry and your breathing at the same time.  Let your breath direct your position in life!

2. Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body

My friend Lisa is great.  She and I frequently talk about our latest epiphanies and one day she told me this:

“We are totally disconnected from our bodies.  Most days, we are just a bunch of heads floating around thinking about what we need to do next!  We have Got To get back into our bodies and get connected!”

Here is the thing:  if you are a thinker, you probably over-think everything.  I’m super guilty of this.  I have a strategic plan in my head before I even get out of bed in the morning.  I frequently have to stop myself from being too heady and actually get moving. Moving your body pumps the blood and circulates the oxygen where the best ideas come from!  So don’t hesitate, motivate!

3. Check Your Vitals

How many of us get started on a project and forget about our very basic vitals like eating, drinking, going to the bathroom, and sleeping.  Working on overdrive without any fuel is a bad combination.  If you are task oriented and have problems walking away and taking care of yourself, try this:  set a buzzer.  Turn on a timer in another room, or set a notification on your computer to stop and take time to replenish your vitals.  Your work will improve dramatically and you can fuel your projects further.

4. Change Your Environment

Stressed?  Go outside.  Take a walk and find some greenery.  Play with animals, watch them, hug a tree, watch bugs, watch people, realize there is more that exists than just you. Sometimes we get stressed out because we think we are the only ones playing this big silly game and that we have to figure it out all by ourselves.  Getting out of your environment will help you shift your thoughts and change your perspective!!

5. Unplug

Sometimes I want to bitch-slap my computer. I get everything all set up, and it locks up.  I have all the right windows open, and it shuts down.  I think my laptop is plugged in and it runs out of battery.  When this kind of stuff happens, it is time to:

JUST WALK AWAY FROM THE TECHNOLOGY

It will get better later, and you need a break.  Walk away, stretch your cramped body, take a break, and come back refreshed.

6. Plan Breaks in Your Schedule

Speaking of breaks, you should have them planned into your schedule.  I do an exercise with my clients where I help them to build a schedule for their Ideal Lifestyle.  It’s funny, because most of my clients forget to put in the basics, like taking breaks, eating, and creating recovery time. We are far more productive if we don’t work ourselves to death. Sound silly?  Do you take breaks?  Do you try to push through when things go wrong, or can you go chill in the hammock and come back stronger?  Get your nearest Kit Kat and gimme a break.

7. Control Your Control Issues

Here’s a great one for us overachiever, super results driven, perfectionist control issued business owners… Who’s got control? If you find yourself in a situation that feels out of control, is your first instinct to fix it?  A better question would be, do I even have the ability or control to fix this? Oftentimes, I get caught up in trying to fix things that I don’t even have control over. The Thais have a great solution for this, they just simply say Mai Pen Rai, or it’s Finished.  No explanation, and just walk away.  If you don’t have control over someone or something (*and really, who does?*) you may be better off just walking away.

8. Stop Spinning & Get Centered

I do this often.  I will stop what I’m doing in the midst of a project and go lie down. I’m not napping, I am taking a moment to settle my thoughts and get centered. Often I amass ridiculous amounts of information at a time.  In order for me to reorganize this information and actually DO something with it, I have to get centered.  I’ve found the most effective way to do this is to go lay down and focus on my breath while letting the information settle. Invariably, it the information stops spinning and settles into a logical place.  Then I can go back to a project and work efficiently.  Do you have something you can do when you start spinning?

9. Recondition Your Mind

Think you can get to happy without actually trying for it?  Guess again.  Us happy people are working harder to stay positive. It doesn’t take much effort or creativity to be a Negative Nancy.  But it takes some Massive Skillz to be a Positive Patty! I hit lows, and way lows, but I’m getting better at knowing what gets me back up and moving.  Part of knowing how to bounce back is having some tricks up your sleeve. Here are a few of mine:  dance music, positive books, reading other motivational blogs, writing, talking to friends or going out, movies, and mantras.

10. Make Mantras

For those of you that haven’t found the switch in your brain to turn off the noise, I recommend reconditioning with mantras.  They really work, and I’ve spent a lot of time making flash cards and pulling some of my favorite sayings and quotes into this list I’m going to share with you.  I don’t have the credits of where these came from, some from me, authors I like, and just general concepts I’m trying to believe in… but I encourage you to Take Action Now, and if nothing else, make some Magic Mantra cards that you can pick up when you are feeling down. My Magic Mantras:

• I am ready to live with an open heart.
• I am open and ready to relinquish expectations, timelines, and control.
• I call in the miracle of money!
• I feel safe.
• I am open and ready to embody wealth and abundant living!
• Thank you for your help, guidance, and encouragement to easily complete my goals.
• You will never be ready; But you can get ready.
• Thank you for providing all of the resources I need to do your work.
• The Universe is Perfect!
• I am calm and relaxed.
• I am open and ready to practice forgiveness.
• I am open and ready to do your work and be a Universal messenger.
• I have everything already.
• I practice unconditional love.
• There is a difference between knowing and doing.
• This is the Perfect Process.
• Don’t push the river.
• Remember, you are a golden child of an eternal Universe.  You are blessed completely!

Got any more ideas?  Share them below!!  I’m always interested in learning more from you all!

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How To Make Life Decisions in Uncertain Times

“Giving up our attempts to control things forces us to face the reality that life is really nothing but uncertainty.”

–Swami Chetanananda

We are in a fascinating time of great change.  Sometimes, it feels like everything around us is changing—and all at once!  It is easy to become overwhelmed and distracted and feel confused about where to focus your attention.  What do we do?  Where do we turn?  Who are we in the midst of all of this uncertainty?

What is Uncertainty

About ten months ago, I decided to start off on a journey of running my business from different places around the world.  My first destination was Thailand.  I had all kinds of ideas about what I would be doing, how long I would stay, and how I would spend my time.  Boy was I wrong!  Everything changed the second I got here.  I had to suddenly deal with the fact that I no longer had ANYTHING in my life that was certain.  Everything from where I was living, eating, working, who my friends are, what language I’m speaking, how much money I had—everything became fluctuating variables.

At first, I started to panic.  What was happening?  Was I doing something WRONG?  Why does everything seem so out of control?

Then, suddenly, a voice of reason from my head, “If you had all this figured out, You Would Be TOTALLY Bored.”

I laughed aloud.  That was absolutely right.  It was then that I realized that we are not here to have everything all figured out.  Uncertainty is something we are going to have to deal with OUR ENTIRE LIVES, and we better just accept it, relax into the idea of constant change, and move on.

Is Anything Really Certain?

“…relax gradually and wholeheartedly into the ordinary and obvious truth of change.  [When we do this] we begin to understand that we’re not the only one who can’t keep it all together.  We no longer believe that there are people who have managed to avoid uncertainty.”

–Pema Chodron

Do you know anyone that can avoid uncertainty?

When it comes down it, nothing in our lives is certain.  This is frightening, and we do all kinds of things to try to avoid this reality.  But what if we just accepted it?  What if we embraced that the only thing we can really change in our lives is our perception of events, our emotional response, and our attitude to change?

Since we know that we are destined to live a life of uncertainty, we might as well get comfortable making decisions in uncertain times.  Change can be scary, but take a look through these tips and see if you can get a better handle on making decisions…

Five Tips Making Better Decisions

1. Stop thinking that the idea is to Figure Everything Out. Your job isn’t to figure everything out, it is just to be happy and sort out answers to what’s right in front of you.

2. Focus on What is In Front of You RIGHT NOW. Most of the time, we are fighting  a battle, trying to control the future.  You cannot safeguard yourself from future woes.  The best thing you can do is participate to make the best Now that you can, and move forward.

3. Learn how to Relax in the Midst of Change.  One thing I like to do is imagine the eye of a hurricane.  Even in the worst kind of chaos, there is a still point.  Find it and get centered.

4. Focus on your Values. If you need to make a decision, best to consult how it fits in with your values.  How would you feel if you made this choice?  How would you feel if you made that one?  Spend some time determining why, and usually a clear answer will appear.
Remember…

5. You Can Always Change your Mind.  Everything is temporary, and we have the greatest gift to try something, and if it doesn’t work, we simply change our mind.  Don’t be afraid to take action, see what happens, and if you don’t like the results… just change your mind!

Potential, Possibility, and Freedom

In conclusion, we are in times of great change.  You are likely to not have all of the answers, or even most of them.  The best we can ultimately do is accept our situation, realize we don’t have control over all of the outcomes, focus on what is in front of us, relax into accepting that change is inevitable and move forward.  By relying on our core values, we can do our best and see what happens.  And in the end, we can always change our mind if we don’t like the outcome!!  When we can make friends with uncertainty, we can find a new sense of authenticity and ultimately find freedom in the midst of change.

“…the experience of uncertainty contains the potential for living authentically and truly.  It holds the spectrum of infinite potential, possibility, and freedom.”

–Swami Chetanananda

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Letting go of the Fairytale and Taking Personal Responsibility

Here it is.  The moment of truth.  I, like most of my female counterparts, have held onto the Disney dream that it was only a matter of time until the man in shining armor arrived at my door, ready to tell me wonderful things, take me amazing places, and pay off my credit card debt.  He’s handsome, strong, and happy to do it.  Oh, and he is perfectly balanced, has his career (as Prince Charming) completely figured out, and rolls around in money from investment funds that he has mastered.  As much as I hate to admit this, I have held onto the idea that:

Some Man Somewhere is going to Rescue Me

There.  I said it.

Sigh.

There is a Big Reason why I am posting this.  It is not a female rant about men, nor is it only geared towards women readers.  I want to spend a bit of time in this post talking about our upbringing and how it shapes us.  But mostly, I want to talk about stepping up and taking Personal Responsibility.

Putting Relationships First

We tend to get distracted by what is going on around us.  Specifically, we get distracted in our lives by Personal Relationships.  In my life, my family values personal relationships more than anything.  Especially on my mother’s side of the family.  The amount of family activities and involvement was overwhelming to me growing up and I remember feeling at an early age that there was always an event to rush off to.  As I got older, I began to opt out of many of these events, eventually moving out of the state and became less active in the family activities side of my personal relationships.

When I talk to my family and friends, the first information they want to know is about my love life.  Who am I dating, how is it going?  Is there potential there?  I know women tend to spend a considerable amount of time talking to eachother about the relationships in their lives.  I wonder if it is genetic—like somehow we’ve personally taken on the responsibility of ALL THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THE WORLD.

It wasn’t until recently that I had the epiphany of discovering how much time is wasted trying to figure out other people.

Truth be told, my main function, my Whole Life has been mostly on this Disney directed idea that I was going to find myself a man, and then life would get better.

Playing Around with our Careers

When our main focus is dependent on our relationship, we are really just playing around with our careers. We know we need to have a focus, and do something meaningful, but when Mr. Wonderful comes along, we are all too eager to jump ship and follow his success.  I have done this before.  I was once engaged, and left my high-paying job in California to move to Colorado.  I ended up breaking off the engagement and realized what a terrible mistake I made.  I was also was in a long-term relationship where he made the major income.  We moved for his career, not mine.  This is neither right nor wrong, and in each case, what I want to point out is this:

1. I put my responsibility in someone else’s hands.
2. They didn’t want to take responsibility of me.
3. I didn’t like how it felt to have someone else feel like they needed to take care of me.

What Disney forgets to cover in its Relationship 101 course is that there are feelings and emotions that go along with being carried off on the white horse into the sunset.

We know from statistics that most relationships end over issues related to money.  Is this any surprise?

What We See and What We’re Taught

We, as women have been taught to get educated, be more masculine, and go into a career world, be aggressive, and fight for a dream that we mostly don’t want.  I’m sorry, but the idea of working my ass off forty or more hours a week, and cooking, taking care of my house, myself, and someone else is Not Exactly My Idea of Fun! So, somewhat secretly (until now) I’ve been holding onto the dream that I could step gracefully into a relationship or job or situation where I wouldn’t have to deal with this kind of pressure.

I grew up in a very affluent town.  Many of the moms had the choice of working.  When I moved to California, I worked for CEO’s who had stay at home wives, nannies, housekeepers, and the kind of homes that people were always showing up to.  The gardener, landscaper, architect, carpet cleaner…you name it, they had it.  I had kept myself in my comfort zone by always ending up in situations where the male was the main provider, and I just needed to show up.  I helped organize these people and their lives.  I handled everything from the kids to the property management, travel planning, you name they needed it—I did it.  But the reality was: I was a paid additional stay at home mom.  I was an extra.  I was still in the world of making a man responsible of me.

Reality Sucks

That reality didn’t really sit too well with me.  I was somehow dependent on a situation instead of myself. I was continually putting myself in a situation where a man was providing for my wellbeing, instead of myself. I was still following the Disney Guidelines and waiting for another Disney Rescue.  By living in Disneyland, I could forego most of my personal responsibility. I could continue to put my financial responsibility in someone else’s hands.  I could continually focus primarily on my relationship with men.  I could keep getting educated, without ever stepping out with what I knew.  I could be dependent on seeking approval from everyone.

So here is the deal.  I realized it’s time to suck it up and face reality.  The real deal is that we need to take ownership of ourselves, and take it up a notch when it comes to personal responsibility.  The rest of what we do is just a cop out, an excuse, a fantasy, or even worse…a distraction.  So, embrace the fact that Reality Bites, and let’s get moving on up!

• Taking Financial Responsibility: I always say this, and I’ll say it again (because it’s true!)  You have two choices with money:  You can Earn More, and You can Spend Less. You want more money right now?  There are your options.  If you choose to do both, you will have much more money!  Sound simple?  It’s a simple concept, but it takes real action.  We have to change our behaviors in order to make this really work.  Want to stop shopping?  Stop going to the mall.  Want to earn more money?  Kick it up a notch.  Nobody’s stopping you (except, well…maybe YOU!)
• Putting Relationships on the Backburner: Guilty as charged.  This one is my biggie.  I need to shelf the relationships and focus on my career.  By putting myself first, I can get focused and stop Disneylanding around.  If I choose to let go of the man fantasy, I can focus on something far better:  creating a life and income that supports itself, anywhere in the world. Kick that, Cosmo!
• Educating as an Expert: Way too often, we are looking for the answers outside of ourselves.  We think we need one more degree, one more book, and one more piece of information before we can be…well…whole.  WRONG!  Here is the biggest bit of info I can give you:  You already have the answers.  Step it up in your life and in your field and take the main-stage. You are ready, so get up there and start educating others.  Be the expert.
• Get Money, Not Approval: I’ve spent too many years of my life trying to get approval.  I wanted to be liked, wanted to fit in, wanted to be polite, wanted to be quiet.  The reality is, I am who I am—and you can like me or not.  If you are skilled and talented (which I’m sure you are) you should commit to getting paid for what you know.  Stop worrying what people are going to think of you and get paid.  You will care less about the haters if you have the life of your dreams. It’s the prime time of your life…get out there and go get ‘em!

Comments?  Thoughts?  What Fairytales are you holding on to?

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