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Top Ten Ways To Reduce Your Stress NOW

I was studying the PADI manual for Rescue Diving when I came across this:

Stress can be real or imagined.  Whether or not the stress is real, the body will begin to react to the stress as if it is real.

Newsflash:  Most of our stress is imagined.

If you need proof of this, look out your window on a ‘good day’ and my guess is it looks pretty much the same as it does on a ‘bad day’. The only thing that has changed is our perception, and our attitude. The rest of the world goes on much the same from day to day.  What I care about is You, and I’d like to help you by sharing some tactics I’ve learned about getting back to positive and dramatically increasing your productivity. That is where you are going to make your difference and help the world. Check it out: Ten Ways to Actively Reduce Your Stress:

1. Learn How to Breathe

When I was diving in Ko Ha, my instructor Rob was briefing me before we went diving.  I explained to him that I had problems with buoyancy and needed more weights than normal.  He smiled and said, “No you don’t, you just need to learn how to breathe!” Rob went on to tell me this:

“When people are underwater, they are not relaxed.  They are trying to go down, but they are breathing rapidly, which fills your lungs up with air and makes you more buoyant.  When you are heading in a direction you don’t want to go (i.e. up), you begin to panic even more.  This cycle keeps you going where you don’t want to go.  What you need to do is learn how to relax your breath and direct where you are going with your breath.  For example, if you are trying to go lower, take long slow breaths, or breathe out more than in.  Or, to go up, instead of kicking, just focus on your breath.”

When we got to the ocean floor, I did an exercise where I laid on the bottom and practiced my breathing.  I took a deep breath, and rose up.  I let it out and sank.  I took long inhales and let out the air quickly and was able to move up easily without any kicking!  I continued to direct my entire dive and buoyancy with my air intake and outtake, and the experience was amazing! I could literally change where I wanted to go just by changing my breathing! You can do this with your emotions, too.  When you are stressed out, your breathing gets all out of whack. Your short huffy breaths are not getting oxygen to your system and then you cannot think. Until you stop, breathe, and take long deep breaths, you can not direct your situation to something better.  Plus, as a bonus, it is really hard to think about being angry and your breathing at the same time.  Let your breath direct your position in life!

2. Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body

My friend Lisa is great.  She and I frequently talk about our latest epiphanies and one day she told me this:

“We are totally disconnected from our bodies.  Most days, we are just a bunch of heads floating around thinking about what we need to do next!  We have Got To get back into our bodies and get connected!”

Here is the thing:  if you are a thinker, you probably over-think everything.  I’m super guilty of this.  I have a strategic plan in my head before I even get out of bed in the morning.  I frequently have to stop myself from being too heady and actually get moving. Moving your body pumps the blood and circulates the oxygen where the best ideas come from!  So don’t hesitate, motivate!

3. Check Your Vitals

How many of us get started on a project and forget about our very basic vitals like eating, drinking, going to the bathroom, and sleeping.  Working on overdrive without any fuel is a bad combination.  If you are task oriented and have problems walking away and taking care of yourself, try this:  set a buzzer.  Turn on a timer in another room, or set a notification on your computer to stop and take time to replenish your vitals.  Your work will improve dramatically and you can fuel your projects further.

4. Change Your Environment

Stressed?  Go outside.  Take a walk and find some greenery.  Play with animals, watch them, hug a tree, watch bugs, watch people, realize there is more that exists than just you. Sometimes we get stressed out because we think we are the only ones playing this big silly game and that we have to figure it out all by ourselves.  Getting out of your environment will help you shift your thoughts and change your perspective!!

5. Unplug

Sometimes I want to bitch-slap my computer. I get everything all set up, and it locks up.  I have all the right windows open, and it shuts down.  I think my laptop is plugged in and it runs out of battery.  When this kind of stuff happens, it is time to:

JUST WALK AWAY FROM THE TECHNOLOGY

It will get better later, and you need a break.  Walk away, stretch your cramped body, take a break, and come back refreshed.

6. Plan Breaks in Your Schedule

Speaking of breaks, you should have them planned into your schedule.  I do an exercise with my clients where I help them to build a schedule for their Ideal Lifestyle.  It’s funny, because most of my clients forget to put in the basics, like taking breaks, eating, and creating recovery time. We are far more productive if we don’t work ourselves to death. Sound silly?  Do you take breaks?  Do you try to push through when things go wrong, or can you go chill in the hammock and come back stronger?  Get your nearest Kit Kat and gimme a break.

7. Control Your Control Issues

Here’s a great one for us overachiever, super results driven, perfectionist control issued business owners… Who’s got control? If you find yourself in a situation that feels out of control, is your first instinct to fix it?  A better question would be, do I even have the ability or control to fix this? Oftentimes, I get caught up in trying to fix things that I don’t even have control over. The Thais have a great solution for this, they just simply say Mai Pen Rai, or it’s Finished.  No explanation, and just walk away.  If you don’t have control over someone or something (*and really, who does?*) you may be better off just walking away.

8. Stop Spinning & Get Centered

I do this often.  I will stop what I’m doing in the midst of a project and go lie down. I’m not napping, I am taking a moment to settle my thoughts and get centered. Often I amass ridiculous amounts of information at a time.  In order for me to reorganize this information and actually DO something with it, I have to get centered.  I’ve found the most effective way to do this is to go lay down and focus on my breath while letting the information settle. Invariably, it the information stops spinning and settles into a logical place.  Then I can go back to a project and work efficiently.  Do you have something you can do when you start spinning?

9. Recondition Your Mind

Think you can get to happy without actually trying for it?  Guess again.  Us happy people are working harder to stay positive. It doesn’t take much effort or creativity to be a Negative Nancy.  But it takes some Massive Skillz to be a Positive Patty! I hit lows, and way lows, but I’m getting better at knowing what gets me back up and moving.  Part of knowing how to bounce back is having some tricks up your sleeve. Here are a few of mine:  dance music, positive books, reading other motivational blogs, writing, talking to friends or going out, movies, and mantras.

10. Make Mantras

For those of you that haven’t found the switch in your brain to turn off the noise, I recommend reconditioning with mantras.  They really work, and I’ve spent a lot of time making flash cards and pulling some of my favorite sayings and quotes into this list I’m going to share with you.  I don’t have the credits of where these came from, some from me, authors I like, and just general concepts I’m trying to believe in… but I encourage you to Take Action Now, and if nothing else, make some Magic Mantra cards that you can pick up when you are feeling down. My Magic Mantras:

• I am ready to live with an open heart.
• I am open and ready to relinquish expectations, timelines, and control.
• I call in the miracle of money!
• I feel safe.
• I am open and ready to embody wealth and abundant living!
• Thank you for your help, guidance, and encouragement to easily complete my goals.
• You will never be ready; But you can get ready.
• Thank you for providing all of the resources I need to do your work.
• The Universe is Perfect!
• I am calm and relaxed.
• I am open and ready to practice forgiveness.
• I am open and ready to do your work and be a Universal messenger.
• I have everything already.
• I practice unconditional love.
• There is a difference between knowing and doing.
• This is the Perfect Process.
• Don’t push the river.
• Remember, you are a golden child of an eternal Universe.  You are blessed completely!

Got any more ideas?  Share them below!!  I’m always interested in learning more from you all!

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Lifestyle Design: Trusting Your Intuition and Going on Faith

“It’s the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee, a sort of wager on my part.  And though you may call me a dreamer or a fool or any other thing, I believe that anything is possible.”

-Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

When I was younger, I didn’t know what to believe, or who to believe.  My mother and father had very different opinions and I did not grow up with a particular religion or faith to rely upon.  As I got older I became more confused by life, expectations, and societal norms.  But, after much trial and error, I learned the most valuable lesson:  to rely upon my intuition and move forward on Faith.

In this article, I am going to convey the steps that I have found that have led me to rely more upon my intuition and faith.  I am sharing this with you because my life has moved forward in miraculous ways that I completely attribute to this process.  In this process, we begin by overcoming logic, then increase trust  in our intuition and feelings.  Next, we take action and move forward (despite our fears!), and trust in the process while it is unfolding.  You have always been taken care of, and you always will be!

Strengthening your ability to trust in yourself and increasing your faith will move you to new levels; turning the impossible into the possible.

Overcoming Logic

Overcoming logic can be very tricky for us because there is nothing concrete or tangible about intuition and faith.  You cannot see them, test them, or measure them.  They are an invisible force which defies our logic and rational mind.  Most of the time when we have an impulse or are drawn towards something, it is our intuition guiding us toward our next step in life.  We may have a ‘gut feeling’ or sense that we should go somewhere, talk to someone, or move into a new interest or field.  While these sensations cannot be seen, they can be felt.  It then becomes more important for us to rely on our feelings than our thoughts. 

Trusting Our Intuition and Feelings

While this process may seem scary, I have had the most amazing outcomes when I have trusted my feelings-and I have seen the results! When I have been prompted to move forward in a particular area of my life, and followed through with it, good things happened.  And, when I haven’t, bad things happened.  As simple as that sounds, you would think it would make it easier to trust our instincts and stop relying on Logic.  But, growing up the way we have in our society, we are taught to stay inside the safety of a system with predictable results.  This mode has little to no risk, and fairly guaranteed results.  The challenge with moving forward on instinct is that often times, our results are not guaranteed, the resources are not currently available, and we have no reason whatsoever to know it will work.  We now are going into a situation where the risk is extremely high, and the results are not guaranteed At All.  We are Going on Faith.

Taking Action and Moving Forward (Despite Your Fears!)

When I decided to go Location Independent with my business, there were no guarantees.  I had the signs, the intuition, and all of the promptings to do so.  But, I was scared!  I had no idea what was in store for me, how I would live in another country while running my business, or how I would be taken care of.  When I downsized all of my belongings, packed up and flew on a one-way ticket to Bangkok, I was going entirely on faith.

You may find yourself in situations where you ‘know’ you should move forward but you are oscillating back and forth about all of the “How to’s”.  What I recommend is to take action and move forward, despite your fears!  Try to break down the whole process into small steps and just focus on what is right in front of you.  Getting into gear and taking action will help you to see the next step, whereas not doing anything just keeps you stuck in your head.  One example I use with my clients is this:  a man can lay at the bottom of a mountain and go up and down the mountain several thousand times in his head.  But, at the end of the day, he is still at the bottom of the mountain!  It is better to just take the first step, and then see the next one, moving slowly forward and gaining higher ground as you go.  Just sort out what the first step is, do it, and then do the next one.  It really is just as simple as that!  

Trusting In The Process

Sometimes in order to move ahead, we need to renew our faith and trust that we will be taken care of.  We begin to doubt and worry when we don’t see immediate results.  When we have taken this risk and put our trust in faith, we often times want to rush the process and see instantaneous results. 

The only way to continue to move forward is to have patience and trust in the process.

We live in an abundant Universe that wants to provide for us.  And, if you are honest with yourself, I am sure you can look back at any point in your life and see the evidence that You Have Always Been Taken Care Of.  The right people, circumstances, and opportunities came through for you with absolute perfect timing.  In essence, there was never really any need to get so worked up and worried about your life.  Everything works out, and as we move forward and trust in the process, we can begin to relax.  A relaxed state brings in a higher consciousness where we can tap into our intuition and feelings even more.  By spending quiet time in whatever ways help bring you peace (nature, meditation, resting) you are allowing the answers, or the next steps to come in.  And slowly, over time, you can overcome logic, increase your intuition, trusting and taking action more quickly and letting the miracles unfold… one after another, time and time again.

“I realize the odds, and science, are against me.  But science is not the total answer; this I know, this I have learned in my lifetime.  And that leaves me with the belief that miracles, no matter how inexplicable or unbelievable, are real and can occur without regard to the natural order of things.  So once again, just as I do every day, I begin… in the hope that the miracle that has come to dominate my life will once again prevail.

And maybe, just maybe, it will.”

-Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Discussions & Comments:  Share an experience you’ve had where you went out on faith and were rewarded by the outcome!

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Lifestyle Design: How to Reduce Your Responsibility (part II)

“The cause of any and all stress in my life has largely been due to the belief that I was somehow responsible for other people or things outside of my control.”

Let’s face it: this world can be scary, unpredictable, and changes ALL THE TIME. This is why we have learned that “The only constant IS CHANGE”. So, living in a world of constant change and unending variables leads us to wanting to create a protected and predictable place to live. We find ourselves wanting to gain control of our situations and thereby make our environment safe. While this is a natural tendency, control can (and does) work against us. It affects our business, our relationships, but most importantly our stress level.

When we attempt to control (things, situations, or people), we begin to take ownership for the results. With ownership comes responsibility in which we turn into personal responsibility. By assuming personal responsibility, we take on the role of ownership; and if you own it, you must have to fix it. Our culture and society is one based on having a high level of personal responsibility for the things in our lives and we assume it is our duty to manage every aspect of our lives perfectly at all times. The result: massive stress.

Control -> Ownership -> Personal Responsibility -> The Need to Fix = STRESS

The Stress Relief that I am here to offer you is this concept:

“If you don’t OWN it, you don’t have to FIX it.”

The reality is that many things are outside of our control. For this reason, the only real responsibility we have is our reaction to what is happening around us. I discuss this quite frequently with my clients in the “Behavior” part of my program. If we have been conditioned to ‘Find Fault and Fix’ our whole lives, guess what? We are bound for unhappiness! We will never be satisfied with how things are, how people are, or where we are in our lives.

Many of us are so conditioned to ‘Find Fault and Fix’ other people because it gives us the excuse of not focusing on ourselves. We can easily waste energy and time analyzing and gossiping about the lives of others when we would be better served focusing on our own.

However, you may have already concluded that we also have a tendency to play the ‘Find Fault and Fix’ role in our own lives. I believe at a moderate level, this has been engrained in our personalities to move us towards evolution. However, as a society, we have taken it to the extreme resulting in the “Nothing Is Ever Good Enough” feeling. Have you ever felt this way? Do you think that you are good enough? Right now, without changing anything, do you feel good enough? Are you deserving? Do you feel worthy of success?

Many of us are stuck on the treadmill of “After I do/ achieve/ obtain __________, then I will be worthy. But it is that feeling that is keeping you from success, from happiness, from achieving your best life now. We need to recognize this pattern and take heed! Pay attention to the fact that we are trying to fix something that isn’t broken. We are much further today then we were yesterday. Stop for a moment and give yourself credit for that. You are evolving, and you are also right where you need to be.

By realizing that most of the stress that we put upon ourselves is imagined, we begin our journey to personal freedom. I love the title of a book I recently picked up entitled, “Relax, You’re Already Perfect”.

If we can give ourselves the gift of letting go, we can learn to relax. As stress goes down, we are exceedingly more creative, productive, and enthusiastic about life. This also pertains to our success at work and in relationships. If we can give others the gift of accepting them for who they are, right now, we let them relax. People tend to be more inclined to make change and share their gifts in a relaxed environment. The continual need to intervene in other’s lives is a form of caring, but it can also be seen as a form of control. I have had to learn this one the hard way—which is why I’m sharing this with you now.

Take a moment to reflect on your life and relationships and ask yourself the following questions:

Do I react emotionally when something doesn’t go ‘as planned’?

Do people often fail to meet my expectations?

Have I ever let myself be satisfied with my life- just because?

Does this pressure stress me out?

Do I have extremely high expectations for myself?

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Lifestyle Design: How to Reduce Your Responsibility (partI)

 I am notorious for not being able to leave things alone… or as they are. I ALWAYS want to “Fix Things” or Figure Them Out.

I want to touch things in museums.
I want to push Emergency buttons to see what happens.
I want to discuss and discover everything about a perfect stranger overnight.
I want to find out how things work.

I jump in 150 percent first thing—letting things happen or develop slowly simply pisses me off.

One of my favorite things to do is to assimilate a massive amount of information, filter through it and find the shortest and most direct path to success. I love turning obstacles into opportunity and solving problems- this is how my brain works. This is why I love helping people with their lives and businesses. It is easy for me to see the solutions and help people achieve happiness through personal achievement.

But sometimes, I like problem solving too much. Sometimes my brain will ‘create’ situations or problems in order to fix them. I don’t do this so much in my own business as much as in my personal life. I find relationships a complete head trip. I’m fine until this hyper-analytical problem solving tendency crosses the line from work to play and I begin spread sheeting and processing people. I put a person through my questioning:

Why did they do that?
What does this mean?
Why do I feel upset?
How do I fix this?

And, sadly (for me) my brain or internal interrogator won’t let up until it has answers. The usual and simplest explanation won’t satiate the interrogator.

• They’re tired / I’m tired
• PMS
• They need to eat / I need to eat
• They need to sleep /I need to sleep
• They’ve had a bad day / I’ve had a bad day
• Or simply: I’m overreacting & taking it personally

I confuse myself even harder by the psychology and Eastern religious philosophies I know.

I brought this on for a lesson; What is the lesson?
Who does this person represent to me; Is this a pattern?
Everything is supposed to happen just as it is; There is a reason for everything.

But, in my head / my reality, something just doesn’t FEEL RIGHT. And so, the struggle for acceptance and peace begins. Letting it go. Giving it up. Handing it over.
By now I realized I’ve worked myself into a frenzy by Trying To Figure It All Out. I have worked very hard to create an issue over nothing. I have over extended one moment in time to many—over-thought and over-calculated something unnecessarily.

One time, I was considering a similar situation with myself and sought out an Eastern religion bookshop called East West Bookstore in Mountain View, California. There was an author presenting his newly released book, “Building a Better Buddha”. I slipped in the back of the room and listened while he shared his journey and wisdom. After the talk, I approached him. Trying to formulate my thoughts, I asked him:

Most of the time, I do pretty well. I try to do the right thing, accepting myself and others. But sometimes I get the “Monkey Mind” you talk about. I just don’t know how to move past these tendencies of being ‘good’ for a period of time, then slipping up and feeling like I’m ‘bad’ and completely digressing into old patterns or behaviors. What do you think I should do?

He smiled coyly, as if he had been there a million times and wrote this inscription in my newly purchased book:

“Take the White & Keep The Black.
No fight; No Blame.”
–Tao te Ching

Six years later, I am finally beginning to understand what he meant.

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Lifestyle Design: How to Stay Present During Change

“You can still live on that shimmering line between your old thinking and your new understanding, always in a state of learning. In a figurative sense, this is a border that is always moving—as you advance forward in your studies and realizations, that mysterious forest of the unknown always stays a few feet ahead of you, so you have to travel light in order to keep following it.”
–Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Many of us are continually striving to arrive. We want to reach that point, that moment, that second when every aspect of our lives simultaneously comes together. This is the future point where we can feel accomplished, be successful and finally give ourselves credit for how far we’ve come. But the problem is, this line keeps moving further and further out and until we realize that we are really doing ourselves a huge disservice. What if we allowed ourselves to live comfortably between worlds? What if we could actually permit ourselves to relax into the gap and not be so hyper-focused on Finishing or Being Done?

If you are always in a state of wanting to Finish something or Be Done, you are never ever going to enjoy where you are at.

“Yes, but I have all these other things I need to get done!” you contest.

Here is the thing, when you have completed what you are currently working on and move onto task number two, you will just want to push through again to task number three. And so it goes. The important factor here is not how you go about accomplishing tasks, it’s how YOU FEEL ABOUT ACCOMPLISHING THESE TASKS. If you are pushing, you feel rushed, anxious, behind, and frustrated. This mental state leads to stress that the body takes on and a mind that can not rest.

On the contrary, let’s pretend for a moment that you can accept that you have done your best. You continue to do your best, and what you have accomplished up to date is exactly where you need to be. Let me repeat: You ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO BE. Because, the logic goes, if you have done everything that you could to the best to your ability it has led you RIGHT here. Therefore, you are not falling behind—you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Freeing your mind from the worry and stress of having to be somewhere you aren’t actually allows you to feel better right now.

If you are satisfied with yourself, your choices, and your circumstance, the strangest thing happens: you can be happy. Happiness leads to reduced stress, a positive attitude, and an optimistic outlook on life. But, even more, happy and relaxed people GET MORE DONE! Because you are traveling lightly (no more mental baggage, stress, and guilt) you have freed up space in your world to move forward easily.

Your happiness is directly proportional to the amount you are able to accept and embrace your current situation.

You are where you are. If you decide you want to make a change, great, I encourage you to. But, you also need to bring your full awareness to each step along the way of that process. Being happy through a transition is the biggest lesson we can actually learn—change comes about faster once we have fully accepted our situation for exactly what it is. And if you think about it, we will probably spend most of our lifetime in a state of transition, so why not get used to it! And, ultimately, the more you come to understand what it means to be in the process, the more you will understand there is less to do.

“Ultimately, you must forget about technique. The further you progress, the fewer teachings there are. The Great Path is really No Path.”
–Morihei Ueshiba, The Art of Peace

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Lifestyle Design: A Lesson on Letting Go, or, Mai Pen Rai

The last time I was in Thailand was just over five years ago, right before the Tsunami hit. While many things have changed and most things look entirely different, there is one thing that has not: the people. The most refreshing thing about Thailand is the beauty of its people. For someone who has never been here, it is difficult to explain, however, I think it can be summed up by its saying “Mai Pen Rai”.

“Mai Pen Rai” is elusive in its meaning and description and can be understood to mean any of the following: it’s OK, it doesn’t matter, no worries, or it is what it is. This gentle acceptance of life that the Thais emit has made for a country that attracts travelers from around the world. Thailand is known as “The Kingdom” and “The Land of Smiles” and the signs of happiness are everywhere here. I had forgotten what it was like to see people so genuinely relaxed and happy. I hear people whistling, singing, and merrily humming to themselves as they go about their day. Having a tonal language, the words are literally sung here, as well. People in Thailand are not just happy individually, they do something that many western cultures have forgotten, they share. Meals are shared, work is done in groups, and there is comradery instead of competition.

When something is out of stock, or has stopped working, it is “finished”. Your hamburger might be as finished as your internet service, and there is no telling when or why. The Thais do not trouble themselves with the explanation or trying to make unknown guesses of remedying the situation into the unknown future. Initially, I was annoyed by this, but then I came to appreciate the brilliance of the statement. When flashed a smile and told, “finished”, I have no unrealistic expectations to put in place. I no longer have to go through the mental crisis of trying to figure something out that I do not have the answers to. I can just accept it and relax.

Relaxation is built into the Thai society. Restaurants and resorts have names like The Easy Room, Come Sea; Let’s Relax, and you will frequently see people sleeping on the job. The streets are dotted with signs for massage and reflexology and posters remind you to “Enjoy Unlimited in Your Life“. Even my phone texts me messages from Mr. Happy and reminds me emphatically when I refill my calling card, “Make sure every day is HAPPY and don’t forget to bring your HAPPINESS with you Everywhere!”

Westerners that have made Thailand their home all have the same story: “I was tired of the grind, and the stress.” After being here for just over two months now, I am finally starting to unwind from all the years of stress. I don’t even think I realized the amount of constant pressure I was holding onto until I got away. I can now see it in my friends. All of my friends and colleagues first response to a ‘How are you’ in an email or IM responded with “BUSY”. I would hear only of how busy they were, or how much work they had to do. And even though I am no longer there, I have still been feeling the pressure of needing to produce at lightning speed. My mind has a running audio loop of “I need to get my website updated; I still haven’t posted that blog; I need to figure out my internet”.

I also want to see the country at lightening speed. My brain has yet to register the fact that I am living here. I still have the mentality of a speed traveler, trying to see the whole country in couple of weeks. Operating on overdrive and having the mentality of constantly trying to produce things runs deep in my psyche. But, really, what good does it do?
After being exposed to the “Mai Pen Rai” society, I have learned that the bulk of these items circling in my head really don’t need to happen right now. It is an unnecessary stress built up from years of trying to “push through life.” I think because many of us don’t enjoy a task, or have so many tasks to do, we believe, “If I could just get this thing done, then I would be able to _____ (insert: relax, enjoy, have the life I’ve always wanted). And just because everyone else around us is playing the same game, we choose to participate. But, the reality is, this is simply a choice.

I’m convinced at this point that the Thai culture was blessed by their “Mai Pen Rai” attitude. They are relaxed enough to take a midday nap. They are smiling when you look at them because they aren’t thinking of the eighty-million other places they ‘need’ to be. They are working together. They are enjoying their days, as well as their moments. The culture, in essence, is present.

So when you find yourself racing around, trying to swim upstream, or generally trying to fight the way of the world, remember the phrase, “Mai Pen Rai”, and just let yourself be “finished’.

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