There are moments in life where we get a glimpse of our true nature. We find a piece or a reminder of what and who we are. We see moments of time slow and we feel the remembering set in. We remember – if only for a moment why we came; we know innately that we have a true purpose and feel the very depth of our being.
Those moments have been reaching me, here in Thailand. I have really begun to understand more about myself and the significance of finding myself in remote locations. The process thus far has been challenging, emotional and ridiculous amounts of fun all blended together to make for an interesting and life filled journey.
While I want to be upbeat and inspirational about all of the wonders of travel, it would be unfair of me to leave out all of the challenges, fears, and shifts in mindset that I have had to overcome in order to make this journey possible. The point of sharing the following information with you is to highlight some of the darkness that I have had to go through in order to see the light.
Giving Up Everything & Facing My Fears
In order to go on this journey of self discovery, I had to give up many things. Initially, I focused on downsizing my personal belongings, but mostly, I had to give up my fears. I remember before I left, I did not want to go even though with it, even though this is what I have always wanted to do. In fact, some part of me was resisting the whole trip and carrying out all of the tasks I had to complete before I left became incredibly challenging. In short, it came down to facing my fears and moving through pain of letting go.
My hardest challenge of leaving was the pain of leaving my dogs behind. I have never in my entire life experienced something quite so difficult. I found them a wonderful new home and know it was meant to be, but I still get extremely emotional every time I think of them and miss the comfort of having them around.
The second most difficult challenge was the uncertainty of what would become of me, and the fear of the unknown. There are many things that can happen when you travel and once I moved past the initial exhilaration of buying a one way ticket to Bangkok, the firing line of questions began to kick in.
What if I run out of money?
What if my clients all quit?
What if I get hurt?
What if I don’t get my visa?
What if, what if, what if…
I had the fear of knowing that I had to go far deeper into trust and faith than I have ever gone before.
Beyond Confusion
There are many moments of confusion trying to understand why I’ve been called on this journey that is so challenging. But at the core of every challenge, I know that this is the right decision, and that I am experiencing remarkable amounts of personal growth. There are moments that I wonder why this is all happening. And then I remember that I had to abandon logic in order to make this happen in the first place. There are days that I wish were more meaningful to justify the fact that I left everything behind. And then there are moments that take my breath away, and more and more I am experiencing a life filled with serendipity and joy.
Saving Your Own Life
Many books talk about saving your money, or saving your time; but more than anything, I now understand the significance saving your own life. There are dreams that only you have. These dreams and aspirations are what keep you motivated, happy and inspired to learn more. Often, we get sucked into the reasons (or excuses) of why to stay in our current situation, and talk ourselves out of our dreams.
There are so many reasons why I could have talked myself out of taking this journey.
- I do not have a savings account.
- I do not have the amount of clients I should have to take such an adventure.
- I have debt I still need to pay off.
- I am running a business.
- I have family, and friends, and loved ones that I had to leave behind.
The truth is I was at a crossroads in my life. I started to get a glimpse of living a life that was not my own. Something needed to change. I have been trying my entire existence to be true to myself and to fully understand what it is that I wanted to do and move boldly towards it. I believe that everything happens for a reason – and so when I woke up knowing that I had to go, some part of me understood on another level that it wasn’t so much for myself, as it was to show everyone else that it was possible.
Embarking on the journey of a lifetime is a Big Step. And part of being real about what you are about to face when you go after your dreams is to anticipate that you will go through major emotional ups and downs. The good times are more than fantastic, life changing, even. But in the down times, it is all too easy to question your existence and wonder if everything you are doing is in vain.
Handling Emotional Ups and Downs
The canyons that my emotions now swing between have grown in infinite miles. My understanding of life and living – while it should feel like it is increasing, feels more childlike and adolescent. Rather than feeling more attached to my surroundings, I feel less, and while it has created a wonderful feeling of freedom, sometimes there is a general feeling of displacement. I suddenly belong nowhere and everywhere at the same time. Being location independent really does mean that you Don’t Have To Be Anywhere.
At first, this came to me as a slight panic. Where is my Home? Will I ever really Live Anywhere again? How will I have Relationships? Will I ever have a real Community?
Then, suddenly, it hit me: The WORLD is my Home. I now have the luxury of Going Where I’m Needed, and staying until it feels complete. I am learning to find a balance between permanence and impermanence. I am allowing myself to care without so much attachment and to rely more on my feelings and intuition.
Doubting Yourself and Your Career
I have talked to many business owners that go through a crucial period of self-doubt and questioning their career. Most of the time when doubt kicks in, it is an opportunity to look closer at what your current situation is. Maybe you like the field you are in but want to change the direction or focus. Maybe you would be happier focusing on one particular part of your business and outsourcing or redefining your primary functions of your work.
Since I have been abroad, I have been able to spend the bulk of my time doing what I love. I enjoy teaching, writing, building and sharing information, and building communities. This took time, and in the process I felt rather lost and found myself swirling around questions and answers trying to redefine who I was and what was important to me. I think doubt is a natural part of your growth process. If you find yourself confused by where you are in your career, try spending some quiet time doing this exercise:
- What do I Love to do most in my career?
- When do I feel most accomplished with my work?
- What would I spend more time on if I had extra time in my day?
- How can I re-frame my business so I can spend more time in areas that I love?
Keep in mind that as your life changes, your answers will change. Try to focus your days to encompass more of the activities that you love so that you can come out on the other side feeling empowered.
Coming Out on the Other Side
Lately, I have been struck by awe and wonder of how inspiring it is to
live a life directed by finding myself everywhere; especially while traveling
half way around the world.
I have been helped by strangers. Befriended by many. Taken to wonderful new places. And all the while learning to remember what I enjoy and love, and attempt to rebuilding a life that embodies many more moments of joy and bliss. I have been learning the art of nonattachment and trying to be free of expectations. I am learning to refocus my time and energy on the parts of life that have inherent meaning.
I think it is a part of human nature to want to improve things, including ourselves. Part of the process of coming out on the other side is accepting the idea that we will continually change and we can adapt our lives to fit our new lifestyles. Keep in mind that as your circumstances change, your wants and needs will need to adapt. Part of finding yourself is mastering the ability to let go of who you used to be and become exactly who you are meant to be right now.
I wonder how much more simple our lives would be if we were to embrace the idea of change. I wonder if the moments of joy increase to the proportion that we allow ourselves to surrender to the process.
I wonder.
There are moments in life where we get a glimpse of our true nature. We find a piece or a reminder of what and who we are. We see moments of time slow and we feel the remembering set in. We remember – if only for a moment why we came; we know innately that we have a true purpose and feel the very depth of our being.
Those moments have been reaching me, here in Thailand. I have through the course of the last few months really begun to understand more about myself and the significance of finding myself in remote locations. The process thus far has been challenging, emotional, and ridiculous amounts of fun all blended together to make for an interesting and life filled journey.
While I want to be upbeat and inspirational about all of the wonders of travel, it would be unfair of me to leave out all of the challenges, fears, and shifts in mindset that I have had to overcome in order to make this journey possible. The point of sharing the following information with you is to highlight some of the darkness that I have had to go through in order to see the light.
Giving Up Everything & Facing My Fears
It is almost ludicrous to me that in order to go on this journey of self discovery, I had to give up everything I owned. I remember before I left, I did not want to go even though with it, even though this is what I have always wanted to do. In fact, some part of me was resisting the whole trip and carrying out all of the tasks I had to complete before I left became incredibly challenging. In short, it came down to facing my fears, and moving through pain of letting go.
My hardest challenge of leaving was the pain of leaving my dogs behind. I have never in my entire life experienced something quite so difficult. I found them a wonderful new home and know it was meant to be, but I still get extremely emotional every time I think of them and miss the comfort of having them around.
The second most difficult challenge was the uncertainty of what would become of me, and the fear of the unknown. There are many things that can happen when you travel and once I moved past the initial exhilaration of buying a one way ticket to Bangkok, the firing line of questions began to kick in. What if I run out of money? What if my clients all quit? What if I get hurt? What if I don’t get my visa? What if, what if, what if…
I had the fear of knowing that I had to go far deeper into trust and faith than I have ever gone before.
Beyond Confusion
There are many moments of confusion trying to understand why I’ve been called on this journey that is so challenging. But at the core of every challenge, I know that this is the right decision, and that I am experiencing a remarkable amount of growth. There are moments that I wonder why this is all happening. And then I remember that I had to abandon logic in order to make this happen in the first place. There are days that I wish were more meaningful to justify the fact that I left everything behind. And then there are moments that take my breath away, and more and more I am experiencing a life filled with serendipity and joy.
Dying To Save Your Own Life
More than anything, I now understand the significance of dying to save your own life.
There are so many reasons why I could have talked myself out of taking this journey. I do not have a savings account. I do not have the amount of clients I should have to take such an adventure. I have debt I still need to pay off. I am running two businesses. I have family, and friends, and loved ones that I had to leave behind.
The truth is I was at a crossroads in my life. I started to get a glimpse of living a life that was not my own. I have been trying my entire existence to be true to myself and to fully understand what it is that I wanted to do and move boldly towards it. I believe that everything happens for a reason – and so when I woke up knowing that I had to go, some part of me understood on another level that it wasn’t so much for myself, as it was to show everyone else that it was possible.
I will try to explain this without sounding self-serving or full of loathing because it is not either of the two. It is just hard, so hard, to embark on the journey of a lifetime and learn along the way that I need to do this as much for myself as I do for others. It is just rather confusing to feel like I need to share these ideas, this way of living, this way of pursuing your own happiness at the sacrifice of losing it all.
One may consider this an over dramatization of my life and concur that at any point I could just call it quits or go home, but to that person, I would say: You have no idea how this feels.
Handling Emotional Ups and Downs
The canyons that my emotions now swing between have grown in infinite miles. My understanding of life and living – while it should feel like it is increasing, feels more childlike and adolescent. Rather than feeling more attached to my surroundings, I feel less, and it has created an overall feeling of displacement. I suddenly belong nowhere and everywhere at the same time.
Instead of feeling accomplished or that I have reached my goal, I am left questioning myself, my work, and my authority on how to speak to others about their lives. The more I learn, the less I know and it has left me doubtful of what to do with all of the material I have created.
Doubting Yourself and Your Career
It feels too arrogant to charge US prices now for information that simply helps people to have their best life. Or, after experiencing what I have, it also seems priceless. How does one charge for helping one out of the minds of the masses and into their own personal dream. How do I ‘promote’ the fact that it will be the hardest thing you have ever done in your entire life? How do I even dare to take credit for information that is universal and that is accessible for those that are really looking for it; or is it true that I can help because I’ve been looking for it for so long?
All of these questions and events are stirring around me while I am trying to make new friends, learn new street names, learn a new language and take in an entirely different culture. In short, it has left me humbly liberated.
Coming Out on the Other Side
I have been helped by strangers. Befriended by many. Taken to wonderful new places. And all the while it has been as though I was watching myself grow through infancy, remember what I enjoy and love, and attempt at rebuilding a life that embodies many, more moments of joy and bliss. I have been learning the art of nonattachment and trying to be free of expectations. I feel more like the observer than that of the judge. Lately, I have been struck by awe and wonder of how inspiring it is to live a life directed by finding myself everywhere; especially when it takes me traveling more than half way around the world to do so.
I think it is a part of human nature to want to improve things. We want to fix our lives, we want to repair others, and we want to build something free and devoid of fault. The words that fell into my head this morning were simple and freeing ~
IF YOU DON’T OWN IT; YOU DON’T HAVE TO FIX IT.
I wonder how much of our lives are spent trying to futilely fix that which should never be owned. I wonder how much more simple our lives would be if we were to liberate ourselves from the idea of ownership. I wonder if the moments of joy increase to the proportion that we allow ourselves to surrender to the process.
I wonder.
Twitter Updates
4 August 2009 at 11:38 am
I love this post! Thank you.
4 August 2009 at 8:42 pm
For me, the greatest part of living abroad is that it has helped me realize just how strongly we are shaped by our own countries.
Virtually everything we do in life is hugely influenced by our home country, family and peers. We all basically live in the same type of houses, have the same types of jobs, drive the same types of cars, watch the same TV programs, and buy the same things.
Traveling to other countries has been fantastically liberating in that I was able to see just how little I was in control of my own life. All the basic ways of living that we accept as normal, are often only peculiar to a handful of countries. There are far more places in the world where our way of life is just as alien as we view theirs.
Now I try to live life on my own terms. I don’t get a Japanese character tattoo just because everyone else is getting one. I don’t buy a moleskin notebook because everyone else is. I don’t do anything that other people are doing unless it really is good for me.
Living abroad has helped me to limit my urges to follow fashions and make my own choices. I don’t think I could have done that without living abroad.
4 August 2009 at 11:53 pm
Inspiring as ever Brooke
My own experiences lead me time and again to similar trains of thought about the ways in which we ossify when we are in one place or situation for too long and the purpose of being there gets forgotten. I have found that it is precisely when you are in a remote location without the security of possessions and familiar faces where there is nothing but yourself and your thoughts, that you rediscover some of your original purpose or new purpose.
I agree with you that a location is important – for example I loved the Andamans where there was no sign of life on the beach and the milky way was bright in a way that made me feel amazingly small and changed my perspective on a lot of dross that had been building up – but sometimes even at home new friends and new challenges have helped kick me out of a purposeless rut, perhaps this is also a major part of the refreshing quality of the unplanned trip?
5 August 2009 at 12:01 am
@Christine – Thanks so much for your comment! I love hearing back from my readers – keeps me on track and feeling like people are reading is the best inspiration for writing. Where are you writing from?
@John – Thanks so much for your comment. You are so right. I have found that pretty much everything I have done was because of conditioning. We think we need certain things because we have been conditioned to set up a life of comfort and acceptance. Once we get out of our normal environment and can see others living differently, we can adapt a new way of thinking… and ultimately a new way of life! Cheers!
5 August 2009 at 7:08 am
Brooke this was a fantastic article. You just touched on all of the fears I am currently going through in my own transition. While traveling is something I have always wanted to do, the fear of the unknown can be one the scariest things to face in life. The fear of giving up a steady paycheck and a comfortable life isn’t easy. But you are proof that it can all be worth it, even if it isn’t always easy! Thanks for the encouragement!
-And I am thinking about either heading down to the Caribbean and learning to sail, spending time in Central America, or going a whole different route and moving to Thailand. We’ll see what happens!
6 August 2009 at 12:58 pm
How did you get to be so wise at such a young age?
9 August 2009 at 7:22 am
You hit the nail on the head. When I packed up my life and decided to live (and work) full-time from my RV folks thought I was crazy. Those last few days/hours, I thought I was crazy. But now I am so very glad I did it. Being location independent gives one the freedom to do things we’ve thought were impossible. It also means living in a much smaller footprint and learning what is important to one’s personal sanity. It allows one to welcome “new” every day.
When I was young I remember the thrill of moving to a new place — locating what I needed to survive and getting things in order. It was a real “high” that I seldom got in any other way.
Now I can experience that high any time I want it. Mostly it’s just a mindset that locks us into one place. Gradually I’ve learned what I need to know to survive most anywhere. Certainly, as a freelance journalist, I honed those skills overseas when I was young. What fun to use them now in a way that suits me!
Good post. Keep ‘em coming!
12 August 2009 at 12:01 am
@Sean – Yes, the fear of the unknown is something that keeps most people, well, stuck. Going out of our comfort zone is really the only way to grow and change and I commend you for going through the process!! It is not the easiest choice, but it is the most fun! I’m excited to hear that Thailand might be on your list, send me any questions you might have about it if you want, I’m going on eight months here so far! My how the time goes…
@Rasheed – I think mostly because I’m a nerd :0) I dug into books instead of the news and I haven’t had a TV in 18 years!! Thanks for your words of encouragement, I always enjoy hearing from you!!
@Karalyn – It is really cool what you are doing. I checked out your website and I’m excited to know of a location independent VA. I think that the biggest freedom is personal choice. When we get the opportunity to choose where we spend our time, we can get into touch with ourselves and learn what is most vital to our own happiness.
Thanks so much for your comments and I am very excited to keep up our dialog and get to know you more! Where in the world are you now?
12 August 2009 at 7:15 am
Brooke — Good to hear from you. I spent some time on the East Coast visiting friends and am currently back in Southern Missouri taking care of 6 retired therapy horses at my friend’s retired horse farm while she attends a conference on the West Coast. I’ll head to Florida shortly to visit my brother and then come back here in the fall, most likely. My son and Granddaughter are in St. Louis, so I’ll be around here for the holidays and then head West.
Thank you for checking out my website. You may also want to check out my blog on RVing full-time: http://www.squidoo.com/RVingVA
And I do have a professional blog: http://www.squidoo.com/RVingVA
I’m in the process of changing the focus of that one a bit since I’ve recently gone through a few professional changes (for the better).
You hit the nail on the head with Sean — the biggest thing is leaving your comfort zone behind. But then — for me — that’s the exciting part.
12 August 2009 at 2:24 pm
Wow! No TV in 18 years? Wait a minute, you’re not old enough to have that kind of experience. But if you were, that would be truly commendable.
13 August 2009 at 12:20 pm
I’ve bookmarked this page and have come back to it quite a few times. You have a knack for writing. Keep up the good work
24 August 2009 at 7:39 am
@ Karalyn – that’s great that you’ve been able to spend time with friends and family! I’m reading your blog now and it is great!! I agree, the exciting part is the adventure of leaving your comfort zone. I have been talking with friends lately about the concept of being calm in the midst of great change. Most of the time, I feel like the biggest challenge of leading this type of lifestyle is the ability to be comfortable with constant change!!
@ Rasheed – lol I didn’t really get into TV when I was young and didn’t watch it much after we moved into a new place in high school. I decided in college that it was a waste of time. I was in sports and leading adventure trips anyway, so I never really considered it a priority. It’s been funny as an adult because people think I NEED one, to the extent that I’ve had people give me their old ones (twice) because they misunderstood Why I didn’t have one. Very funny. I watch movies on my laptop for fun and occasionally dip into the reality TV if it is on at friends houses!!
@ Guester – Thanks! I love hearing from my readers! It definitely keeps me going when I have my “what the hell am I doing” moments. I appreciate your kind words