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Today I am going to share a bit about worry.  From time to time I find myself caught up in the negative cycle of worrying about things, trying to figure out my whole life, and wondering if I am going to be alright in the future.  Worry is a strange machine.  It stops for awhile, then starts back up again, full blast until sometimes it begins to take over completely.

Before I began my latest adventure of moving my business online and heading off to Thailand, I had many worries.  Worries tend to begin as What If’s and are typically future based.

Here were some of my BIG WHAT IF’s:

1. What if I get hurt?
2. What if I run out of money?
3. What if I can’t find a place to live?
4. What if my clients quit and I have no income?

I think most people have these concerns on an ongoing basis.  I think most people worry about the future, and worry about money.  We all seemingly have more than enough TODAY; but what if something happens, and it all goes away tomorrow?

My main purpose for writing this post today is because I think I have gotten to the point where I have had ALL of my worries happen. I’m going to tell a quick tale about each and the lessons that came from them.  My hope is that this post prompts you to look at your biggest worries, and face them head on. If we can learn how to do this on a regular basis, we become less afraid of life.  We can move confidently into the future with less stress and more freedom.

Worry #1:  What if I Get Hurt?

I love motorcycles.  When I was 19, I decided to buy a motorcycle and took a course on how to avoid accidents and handle emergencies.  It was fantastic.  We drove little Suzuki 300 cc motorcycles and whizzed around a parking lot jumping over logs and doing emergency stops.  I loved it!  When I got my bike, it was the real deal.  I loved going for rides, clearing my head, and taking to the long curvy country roads in Indiana.

One time, on my way back home from the lake, my friend and I had a giant Yukon pull out ten feet in front of us.  The girl that was driving obviously didn’t see us but when she did she stopped abruptly and blocked both lanes of traffic.  I had no way of going around her and ten feet of room to stop.  Luckily, because of my class, I knew how to do an emergency stop.  I locked up the breaks, came to a somewhat controlled slide and laid the motorcycle down on its side with very little damage to myself or my passenger.  My heart was pumping.  I somehow picked up my bike (weighing several hundred pounds) and walked it to the side of the road before going over and yelling at the driver.  Then I started to cry.

I’ve been very weary of bikes since then.  I got rid of my bike.  I rarely go on other people’s, not so much because I don’t trust the driver, but the other drivers on the road that just aren’t paying attention.   So, it is safe to say that being in a motorbike accident is one of my biggest fears in the world.

In April, I went flying off the back of my friend’s motorbike. We were rounding a sharp corner and hit sand.  The bike kept going, but we didn’t.  I flew, superman style across the rough rocky and sandy pavement wearing only a very small sundress.  I remember thinking to myself as I was sliding, “Man, this is really going to hurt!”

Immediately, I jumped up, got out of the road and assessed my damage.  I was bleeding everywhere. Most of my skin had black on it and I could see chunks of pavement under my skin.  I was very upset with my friend, mostly because I knew he took the turn too fast.  I had told him another time to slow down and felt like it was really inconsiderate to put me at risk like that.  But somehow I was able to contain myself and keep quiet until I could speak calmly.

Eventually, I broke the silence with, “What did you learn from this?”

“Well, many things.  But mostly, to slow down.  I try to do everything too fast.”

I responded, “Good.  Well, I’m willing to take these scars for your lesson.”

Then I started to cry.

The thing is, I was mostly upset because it had been such a big fear for so long, and now it was happening.  I had wanted to do my best to isolate myself from ever having to go through that kind of pain ever again.  The memory of the last accident was so powerful that I never wanted to have to deal with it, ever… but here is something strange:  I was hurt far worse this time than the previous accident.  The strange thing was, it wasn’t actually That Bad. Yes, it took weeks to heal up and I have scars on my knees, elbows and hand that will be there for life, but it wasn’t That Bad.  It wasn’t as bad as I had imagined it to be for All These Years.  I had built up the fear and the worry to be So Incredibly Huge and the reality was nothing in comparison.

Worry #2:  What if I Run Out of Money?

Ok, so this has happened, too. An emergency border run comes up, a client payment comes through late, an unexpected whatever comes up, and there I’ve been…worrying about money.  What is so strange about money is how much time we spend worrying about it. I think we spend more time worrying about money than anything else.  But in my experience, I have found that something always happens, and everything works out fine.

I was down to No Money. I was sitting in my bungalow, feeling sorry for myself and budgeting my next few meals before my client payments were going to come through.  I remembered that I had carried another wallet when I was living in Bangkok and decided to rummage through my backpack to see if that wallet had any extra change in it.  When I opened it up, there was $5,000 baht just sitting there staring back at me!! This is the equivalent of about $150 US dollars!!  In just one instant, my mood changed, my worry went away, and I knew somebody, somewhere was looking out for me.

Worry #3:  What if I Can’t Find a Place to Live?

I think if we are honest here, when you travel, living situations just sort of happen.  People pop up, a tour bus drops you off somewhere, you meet a new friend, and the next thing you know…your world has changed.  You are living somewhere else.  Just like that.  It’s not like at home, when you have to pack boxes, hire a moving company, and get a U-haul for all your crap.  I’ve changed my plans on a dime, just because something seemed more fun.

I came up to Bangkok for a two week vacation, and have now been here almost two months.  Why?  I started having fun. I have friends here and I’ve bounced around having a great time and now a group of us are looking for a place to live together.  When you are open to new living experiences, and having fun, great things happen.  Right now, I am sitting in an internet café with all my stuff, waiting out the rain.  My friend has gone back to the US and I’m cat sitting for them in the most amazing apartment I have ever seen.

When I was living in Australia, I met a fun group of kids I palled up with and lived with them for awhile.  I was just out of school, doing my teaching practicum and started crashing on their couch.  I became known as “The Poor American that sleeps on our brown couch.”  It was hysterical.  I’ve slept on boats, crashed on couches or floors, camped out, and one time my friend and I got lost, we lit a garbage bin on fire and slept on a pile of mulch. The reality of this is that it is all very funny and each time, I have been more than fine, I’ve been living an incredible life full of fun and adventures.  When it comes down to it, does it really even matter where you sleep?

Worry #4:  What if My Clients Quit, and I Have No Income?

As a business owner, one major fear is having your clients quit.  We ‘future worry’ about ending up in a cardboard box somewhere and not being able to eat.  I know this is silly, but I do this all the time!  I wonder what might happen if everything goes away and I am left with no income.  So here is the thing:  I have lost clients with the economy.  I have had people I love go away because their personal financial situations.  But, when I’ve had this happen, other opportunities have come up!

One of my goals has always been to teach college students.  I applied for teaching opportunities at home, only to find out that they had more than enough professors.  However, a few weeks ago I was expressing my desire to teach and two days later, I was offered a position to teach at a local management university!  I am having so much fun and learning how to teach internationally.  It only takes a few hours out of my week and I have more than enough time to run my business and have a full social life.

If you are reading this, my guess is that you are entrepreneurial and clever. When I ran out of money in Australia, I got creative.  I washed cars at a car lot.  I worked at a historical garden.  I even painted somebody’s boat at a boat yard.  It hasn’t come to that on this trip, but looking back, I had a lot of ingenuity at twenty-two.  I’m sure if it came down to it, I would have more now, because I have more talents and skills than ever before…And So Do You!  So don’t think of all of the What If’s that are holding you back, you are too smart to starve to death.  And, gosh darn it, people like you!

The Moral of My Story:

The moral of my story is this:  at this point, I have had ALL OF MY WORST FEARS AND WORRIES COME TRUE.  But, here is the thing:  I’m just fine.  I’m more than just fine, I’m great.  I’m having the time of my life!!  My world of possibilities has expanded because I no longer fear my worst concerns.  I now know, without a doubt that even the worst possible thing is really not that bad at all.  So get out there and stop worrying about what might happen.  You’ll be amazed by what does!!