Fear is an interesting topic.  It is much like Stress;  it can be real or imagined.  We may feel fear because of an experience that has happened in the past which triggers fear in the present.  We might feel fear of uncertainty, or fear of the unknown.  Or, we may even be frightened of doing what we’ve always wanted to do with our lives—a kind of nervous excitement, if you will.

The main reason I wanted to write this post is that in our minds, we don’t tend to differentiate between these types of fear.  We just feel the fear and STOP.

Fear is debilitating. It keeps us at a distance.  It stops us from moving forward.  It holds us back.

Our natural instinct when we begin to feel fear is avoidance.  Many people will go to unnatural extremes to avoid their fears, rather than dealing with their fear, and moving forward.  This is what today’s post is going to be about.

Recognizing Your Fear

The first step is to stop and recognize your fear.  By acknowledging that it exists, you give yourself permission to begin to deal with it.

Identifying Your Fear

After you’ve acknowledged it, it is time to find out where it is coming from.

• Is this a fear based on something that has happened in the past?

• Is this a fear of the unknown future outcome?

• Is this a fear of becoming more yourself?

Moving Towards Your Fear (NOT AWAY FROM IT!!)

PAST FEARS: Try to recognize if the fear is based on something significant that happened in the past.  If so, begin to rationalize that When This Happened, It Was an Isolated Event.  Just because something happened once, doesn’t mean it will always happen that way.  Move forward mentally by visualizing same situation with new outcomes.

FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN: Oftentimes what holds us back is the fear of not knowing.  The funny thing about this fear is this:  How will we ever know unless we move forward??  Try moving forward in small steps by doing what’s in front of you.  Don’t get overwhelmed by the “Big Picture”, just do what you can now, and then do what’s next later.

FEAR OF BECOMING YOURSELF – OR GETTING WHAT YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED: This is the most fascinating one.  We want something, Really Bad, and yet, we keep it as a “Future Fantasy”.  Why would we do that?  The reason is simpler than you might think:  We are afraid of failing at what we Really Want.  The thought of failing at something we deeply care about is So Strong that we do nothing, and just keep the idea, experience, money, relationship, career, success at bay.  It is safer to have the fantasy then the reality.

But, here is the thing:  We Will Always Want it to Become a Reality.  So, why not go for it? It isn’t going to go away—Ever!  So why not start moving towards it, despite the fear, and bring what we’ve always wanted into our lives now?

Johny, the snake tamer with a 12 ft long King Cobra (Ao Nang Snake Show)

Getting Over Your Fears

About a month ago, I realized that I was stuck in my fears.  I knew there were things that I wanted (and have ALWAYS wanted) to do.  Suddenly, I got overwhelmingly annoyed with myself and my internal voice firmly declared:

I’m going to go do everything I’m afraid of, I’ll be right back.

Off I went into the night.  I signed up for my Dive Master course, I phoned a climbing instructor and arranged a Lead Climbing course, and I went for a long motorbike drive down dark streets I’ve never been on before.  When I returned, I sent an email out for moving forward with a big project I’ve been working on that scares the hell out of me.

And then, a funny thing happened.  I felt Refreshed, Energized, and Relieved.

Surprisingly, it didn’t even take that long!  In less than an hour, I had faced all of my fears and made progress towards many of the lifelong goals I’d been effectively ‘saving for later’.

Me with boa constrictor, Lucy

What are some of the fears you could start moving towards now?

“You can still live on that shimmering line between your old thinking and your new understanding, always in a state of learning. In a figurative sense, this is a border that is always moving—as you advance forward in your studies and realizations, that mysterious forest of the unknown always stays a few feet ahead of you, so you have to travel light in order to keep following it.”
–Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Many of us are continually striving to arrive. We want to reach that point, that moment, that second when every aspect of our lives simultaneously comes together. This is the future point where we can feel accomplished, be successful and finally give ourselves credit for how far we’ve come. But the problem is, this line keeps moving further and further out and until we realize that we are really doing ourselves a huge disservice. What if we allowed ourselves to live comfortably between worlds? What if we could actually permit ourselves to relax into the gap and not be so hyper-focused on Finishing or Being Done?

If you are always in a state of wanting to Finish something or Be Done, you are never ever going to enjoy where you are at.

“Yes, but I have all these other things I need to get done!” you contest.

Here is the thing, when you have completed what you are currently working on and move onto task number two, you will just want to push through again to task number three. And so it goes. The important factor here is not how you go about accomplishing tasks, it’s how YOU FEEL ABOUT ACCOMPLISHING THESE TASKS. If you are pushing, you feel rushed, anxious, behind, and frustrated. This mental state leads to stress that the body takes on and a mind that can not rest.

On the contrary, let’s pretend for a moment that you can accept that you have done your best. You continue to do your best, and what you have accomplished up to date is exactly where you need to be. Let me repeat: You ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO BE. Because, the logic goes, if you have done everything that you could to the best to your ability it has led you RIGHT here. Therefore, you are not falling behind—you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Freeing your mind from the worry and stress of having to be somewhere you aren’t actually allows you to feel better right now.

If you are satisfied with yourself, your choices, and your circumstance, the strangest thing happens: you can be happy. Happiness leads to reduced stress, a positive attitude, and an optimistic outlook on life. But, even more, happy and relaxed people GET MORE DONE! Because you are traveling lightly (no more mental baggage, stress, and guilt) you have freed up space in your world to move forward easily.

Your happiness is directly proportional to the amount you are able to accept and embrace your current situation.

You are where you are. If you decide you want to make a change, great, I encourage you to. But, you also need to bring your full awareness to each step along the way of that process. Being happy through a transition is the biggest lesson we can actually learn—change comes about faster once we have fully accepted our situation for exactly what it is. And if you think about it, we will probably spend most of our lifetime in a state of transition, so why not get used to it! And, ultimately, the more you come to understand what it means to be in the process, the more you will understand there is less to do.

“Ultimately, you must forget about technique. The further you progress, the fewer teachings there are. The Great Path is really No Path.”
–Morihei Ueshiba, The Art of Peace