As I approached the rock that loomed above me I smiled to myself, “It’s good to be back.” Railey Beach is a world class climbing destination in Thailand and can easily be recognized by the immense limestone outcroppings that dot along the coastline in perfect turquoise water. This distant paradise is one of my favorite places in the world and as I gear up with a group of fellow climbers I am thankful to have the opportunity to be here again.

Climbing is a sport that I have been involved with for a long time. I tried climbing for the first time in college and have climbed on and off for the past seven years. One would think that after seven years I would have some sense of mastery with the sport; but instead, I am continually humbled by the fact that anytime I have some sense of confidence in my ability, I am flung to the ground. Climbing kicks my butt. I think it is for this reason that I am strangely compelled to continue on in my journey in attempt to face my fears, learn new skills, and ascend to new heights.

However, this is never my approach. Because I am an overachiever, I struggle with the learning process that is natural and try to skip past all of the essential stages of being a novice. I want to immediately be great at climbing. This is why, in my enthusiasm, I sauntered up to the Ao Nang Climbing company and explained that I wanted to book a trip with them. I was introduced to Gob, who would be the guide, and explained to him that I had been climbing for about seven years and have even taught climbing before. I told him I’m living here because I want to get back into the sport and I haven’t been in quite some time, but maybe after I got back on track I could help them lead other climbers if they needed someone extra.

Out at the rock, I was suited up with shoes, a harness, and tied in easily into the familiar figure eight knot of the rope. Looking up, it was a difficult climb. I was wondering if maybe Gob had overestimated my ability because I would really liked to have started on something a bit simpler. “Belay on, Climbing” we exchanged and up I went. About half way up I realized that this was not the appropriate climb for me to start on. While I have spent some time on real rock, the bulk of my experience has been in climbing gyms. There is quite a big difference between climbing inside where the holds stick out from a flat surface with neatly marked colored tape and outside where the holds could be anywhere, your grip is not guaranteed and you cannot see your feet. I reached for chalk.

Taking a breath, I regained my senses and pressed on. Finally, I reached the top and was on my way back down. I realized my guide kept yelling something at me and from the height and with the impeding language difference, it was difficult to understand. “CLIP the ROPE,” he was yelling. Oh, great, I cannot just drift merrily down the climb, I now have to clip all of the quickdraws that I followed getting up here. These are carabineers that hook into the bolts in the rock and guide the rope as the climber ascends. However, I have never actually had to re-hook myself upon descent and wasn’t sure I was up to the challenge. I was traversing unsteadily sideways reaching out for the carabineer when I lost my footing entirely and went swinging off of the rock. Caught by my belayer and looking down I impatiently yelled down, “I can’t do it!”

Unsatisfied with my response, I received several more calls to “CLIP the ROPE!” After four more attempts, he finally let me descend and I clipped the remaining two on the way down. I untied, shook out my hands and walked off of the rock.
For my second climb, I got on the one they had set up for first time climbers. Gob states, “You not do this one, its too easy for you.” I am not sure he quite understands that I can’t do the next one up and really could use a confidence booster at this point. I smile and say back, “Other one too hard, need to do this one.”

“Ok,” he replies and I tie in. Thank God I could get on and have a successful time of it. I felt a bit ill from the first experience and needed to regain some sense of my ability, and it worked. I was able to get on the harder climb next.
With some struggling and effort I made my way up my third climb. Learning the type of rock and textures is always an interesting part of climbing on different rock. Because you can climb a variety of rock (granite, volcanic, limestone, sandstone) it is important to learn the different features, textures, and footing that is required in each case. The same rock can have a variance and on this climb it went quickly from big pocket holds to sharp cutting pebbly holds. Making it past the crux, or the hardest part, I was able to ascend to the top. I reached and half jumped with the last bit of effort I had to touch the ring at the top and looked down signaling that I wanted to be lowered.

Gob shouts back, “Touch the RING!”

Oh my God, didn’t he see me? “I DID TOUCH THE RING,” I yelled.

It was like something from Lord of the Rings, ‘Touch the Ring’,’ Don’t Touch The Ring’ – but he wasn’t understanding me ad I was getting very tired of hovering in the air uncomfortably dangling from 50 feet up and Froto was nowhere to be seen. Finally, he allowed me to come down and as I’m on the ground untying my rope, I’m catching disapproving looks. I try to state my case. “I touched at the top, did you not see me?”

Unimpressed, and shaking his head no, he answers, “you not beginner, you can touch ring.”

Oh my God. I then go on to try to explain to him that I’ve actually been injured and am coming back from not climbing, and yes, I did touch the ring. I opt to go to another climb and get belayed from someone a little less relentless. As I watch the other climbers go up and down the routes I’m struck by a feeling I’ve had often when I have climbed. I don’t know if it is just the nature of the sport or the people that are attracted to it, but there is always this unnatural urge to push oneself faster and harder than humanly possible. I really have had to work on this nature of the sport because it is so insatiable– just one more hold, one more throw, one more… and then the next thing you know, you have just one more injury. It is really easy to overextend yourself and have pulled tendons, cracked ribs, and broken limbs. I glance over at Gob, and probably picking up on my insecurities, he says, “Sorry, I didn’t see you touch the ring.”

I nod, “Mai pen rai,” it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter. But somehow it does. I go into my next climb a bit thrown and can’t get up an easy crack problem and decide to come down.

Later, in my room, I sat trying to decipher this feeling that I was carrying around. I’ve had it before and thankfully I have the time here in Thailand to look at my feelings and actions. I have a mix of feelings spinning around ranging from the fact that it is hard for me to just be a participant on trips (I used to lead them) and that I didn’t feel acknowledged by my efforts. Everyone else was getting handshakes, high-fives, and approving words after each climb. I felt like I had let someone down. And somehow, that said, I felt like I had let myself down. But there was no reason to feel that way! I had a wonderful day climbing in my favorite place in the whole world, and then, suddenly it struck me.

I had set the whole thing up. I had started with an inflated ability to assume that I would be good at something I had never tried. Yes, I had been climbing, but not in a long time, and not on this particular rock. I assumed the role of trying to be a super-hero rather than a novice or amateur thereby creating unrealistic expectations from my guide, and for myself. Because I wanted to be good at it, I pumped myself up by sharing my enthusiasm (or goals) with others. This backfired and made me feel performance anxiety and left me wondering, “What if I can’t do this?” In my first attempt, I went Too Big and Too Fast, trying to skip steps and force myself to push through a learning curve. Exhausted, I realized on my second climb I needed to wind back because I was overwhelmed. I was left feeling worried and doubtful. Regaining confidence for my third climb, I was able to go Too Big and Too Fast again, having similar results. By the last climb my head was so distraught with emotions and feeling misunderstood and unsupported, I had completely lost all focus and could not even finish an easy climb. Of course, no one wanted to help me because I had come across as someone who already had it worked out, or could handle it. This was the defeat.

The defeat in the process, or cycle, that I have put myself in has not just happened in climbing. My initial excitement for wanting to become involved and lead, judging myself against super-hero standards, setting unrealistic expectations and subsequently going into periods of fatigue or burnout have all been a part of my overachiever cycle. While my intent is good, the result is that I work twice as hard and feel emotionally spent when I could have saved myself some time and effort.

Saving Yourself From Yourself

While I could have just chalked up this whole experience as something of a fluke, Gob played a perfect role in the perfect lesson I needed to learn. Sometimes we need to recognize our own behaviors so we can get out of our own way. Being a novice, taking things slow, and getting help from others are all very difficult for the single-minded, focused, independent business owners. In my experience (being one, and working with) I have found that most business owners are overachievers. While this drive and super-hero mentality has propelled us into being business owners, we also need to realize when we are setting ourselves up for emotional and productivity roller-coasters.

Here are some tips that I put together after my humbling experience of learning from the rock:

1. Triple the amount of time you think it will take you to do something. This includes learning a new task, a new skill, training someone, implementing a new project, et cetera.
2. Let yourself be a novice. Approach new activities from that angle and allow yourself to be vulnerable and in need of help.
3. Talking yourself into doing something by sharing your goals or knowledge can be interpreted by others that you are the expert. People are less likely to help you if they think you know more about something than them. Instead, allow yourself to experience the learning curve with others.
4. Setting yourself up with unrealistic expectations brings out the judge in others and in yourself. Try setting smaller goals instead and approaching others to help you along the way. Achieving smaller goals will further your success and improve your confidence.
5. Learn that by slowing down, you are actually speeding up your progress. I took the climbs in this order: 2, 1, 4, 3. Had I just gone through 1, 2, 3, 4 I would have finished, felt better, and probably attempted a fifth climb. I also would have had an entirely different experience emotionally which is what is really important in retaining our focus and energy.
6. Know when to follow. Being Gung-Ho is commendable, as is wanting to be a leader. But, the truth is we don’t need to push our way to the front of the pack. By learning to follow, we learn how to lead. Let yourself be last, be a learner, and be slow.
7. Trying to push through life simply doesn’t feel very good. It is like driving as fast as you can to hurry up and get home to relax. By the time you get home, you are a stress case and you feel awful- it simply doesn’t work. When you find yourself trying too hard, or fighting the forces of nature (or gravity) remember one thing: it’s ok to let go and come down. You’ve already touched the ring.

It is said in Thailand that “Climbing gives you Power” my hope is that this article will have the same affect on you.

“I see a common gene among immigrants and entrepreneurs who strike out from the pack to pursue their dreams. I admire people who are willing to bet everything on a belief. Some of these risk takers, whether immigrants or entrepreneurs, have a profound impact on what happens in the world. They place bets on the future, often against fantastic odds. I see heroism in that.”

-Randy Komisar, The Monk and the Riddle

There comes a time in everyone’s life that one begins to contemplate, “Is this working for me?” When you realize that the answer is consistently ‘No,’ you have a choice to make. You can continue to live the same life knowing that what you are doing is no longer satisfying your needs, or you can evolve. Change is the only constant, and having lived a life of rapid and constant change, it is the only place I bet my chips.

This past year has been one of serious contemplation and new revelations. I had many personal changes in my life that forced me to consider what I was doing, and more importantly, for whom. When it came down to it, I realized that the position where I was in my life made complete sense as a lineal point on a graph. X happened which led to Y and so on, leaving me at the end of a successive group of points. What I struggled with, however, was were the points plotted in the direction toward where I really want to be in my LIFE and was I really content with my current reality?

There is a theory that I learned in my business studies called “ground zero analysis” and it goes something like this: if you were to know everything you know now and wipe everything clean—what would you do? What would you keep doing, what would you scrap, and what’s next? This is the place I found myself in my personal life, as well as my business life—and it was time to look at reevaluating what I wanted and how to best move forward.

In short, I recently was in a long-term relationship, owned a home, and had a ten-year plan in my head my business, Growing Places Consulting. After my relationship ended, I moved into a temporary rental situation with two wonderful friends in Lincoln, California. I immediately regained my sense of self by doing what I love best: travel. But every time I came back, the looming question was there on the landing strip: Why do I live in Lincoln, California? My work is focused on helping others design the lifestyle of their dreams and ultimately live and work on their own terms anywhere in the world—was I doing this for myself?

On Halloween, I found myself in one of my favorite coffee shops in the Mission district of San Francisco, Ralphz Coffee. I was waiting for my friends to get into town to coordinate the evening of dressing up and going to parties. To kill the time, I was finishing the book Eat, Pray, Love for the second time. If you haven’t read it, you should, but it explains the true life tale of Elizabeth Gilbert and her journey around the world to self discovery. I turned past the epilogue to a blank page at the end of the book and wrote at the top: ‘What if I just left in December?‘ The question half shocked me but I proceeded to make a short list of items that would need to be taken care of if I were to head out on a journey of my own. Surprisingly, the list was not that long at all. I called a friend to proclaim that it was finally time for me to get the Fuck Out Of Dodge.

Historically, I have never fit into society’s mold—or working the typical 9-to-5. Starting a business was more of a means of survival than anything else and I was realizing that I had followed my plan and worked it enough to take my own advice and start living my ideal lifestyle. If I had the freedom to work from anywhere in the world, why on God’s earth would I choose a small retirement community tucked in the suburbs of Sacramento? I knew it in my heart that it was time to break free of the pack and live the life I’d always imagined.

I instantly experienced the duality of bliss and terror. I knew if I were to pull it off that I was going to need to dramatically change my lifestyle. I was going to need to do my “ground zero analysis” and only keep what was working—and look at putting a plan in place for the rest. Breaking out of the pack comes with a laundry list of conflicting emotions and I was repeatedly forced to ask myself a myriad of questions related to my own sanity. Namely, when everyone else is playing the game and doing just fine, why can’t I just fit in and do the same?

“I didn’t seem to fit anybody’s profile. It was troublesome to me that I couldn’t find a match; I had expected to settle into a career like everyone else.”

-Randy Komisar, The Monk and the Riddle

So why couldn’t I just fit in and settle like everyone else? When it comes down to it the truth is: I’m not like everyone else. I am a rule breaker and a system buster. I assimilate mass amounts of information only to find the most direct route and get back to living. I based my business on this model of passive income and lifestyle exit strategy and now I was at the point of facing my own circumstance and making a radical decision.

At the same time, an idea had been brewing in my head. I was starting to attract more appropriate clients in my business. I was identifying common threads and toying with this idea of a niche market: business owners that love adventure and travel. These people are already motivated to make change, take risks, and bust their butts for freedom’s sake. I had pitched a couple of questions to people I know that meet the profile and the market for BusinessBackpacker.com was beginning to take shape. I am a huge advocate for people following their personal dream and funding start-ups or branches of their original business that are more reflective of who they are and taking those ideas to a global market. The more I talked about the idea, the more it seemed to become a reality.

Then came the stark realization that if I wasn’t living the lifestyle of a vagabond entrepreneur, who would listen to me? I needed to come up with two things: the technology to make it all happen from abroad, and a destination. Looking back just a few weeks ago—I didn’t have any of these answers. But everything instantly materialized and the right people came into my life at the right time. One such person I met at a blog party—Cody McKibben. After discussing a bunch of similarities in our approach and audience, we decided to team up and bring the world BusinessBackpacker.com. He specializes in the technology needed to ‘go global’ and I brought the business consulting side to the table…and so the joint venture adventure began.

One short month after asking myself ‘What if I just left in December?’ I’m sitting here in a studio apartment in Bangkok, Thailand, writing this. I left the States on December 30th and arrived just in time to celebrate the New Year with a BANG! The purpose of writing this post is to inspire you to go for your goals—no matter how outrageous they seem—and to trust your gut. The right people, resources, and finances will figure themselves out if you just take the first steps. It takes courage to break out of the pack and downsize your life to a backpack. But it all comes down to one simple question: How far are you willing to go to get your life back??