BusinessBackpacker.com » Letting go

How To Make Life Decisions in Uncertain Times

Brooke Ferguson — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:16:26 +0000

“Giving up our attempts to control things forces us to face the reality that life is really nothing but uncertainty.”

–Swami Chetanananda

We are in a fascinating time of great change. Sometimes, it feels like everything around us is changing—and all at once! It is easy to become overwhelmed and distracted and feel confused about where to focus your attention. What do we do? Where do we turn? Who are we in the midst of all of this uncertainty?

What is Uncertainty

About ten months ago, I decided to start off on a journey of running my business from different places around the world. My first destination was Thailand. I had all kinds of ideas about what I would be doing, how long I would stay, and how I would spend my time. Boy was I wrong! Everything changed the second I got here. I had to suddenly deal with the fact that I no longer had ANYTHING in my life that was certain. Everything from where I was living, eating, working, who my friends are, what language I’m speaking, how much money I had—everything became fluctuating variables.

At first, I started to panic. What was happening? Was I doing something WRONG? Why does everything seem so out of control?

Then, suddenly, a voice of reason from my head, “If you had all this figured out, You Would Be TOTALLY Bored.”

I laughed aloud. That was absolutely right. It was then that I realized that we are not here to have everything all figured out. Uncertainty is something we are going to have to deal with OUR ENTIRE LIVES, and we better just accept it, relax into the idea of constant change, and move on.

**Is Anything Really Certain?**

“…relax gradually and wholeheartedly into the ordinary and obvious truth of change. [When we do this] we begin to understand that we’re not the only one who can’t keep it all together. We no longer believe that there are people who have managed to avoid uncertainty.”

–Pema Chodron

Do you know anyone that can avoid uncertainty?

When it comes down it, nothing in our lives is certain. This is frightening, and we do all kinds of things to try to avoid this reality. But what if we just accepted it? What if we embraced that the only thing we can really change in our lives is our perception of events, our emotional response, and our attitude to change?

Since we know that we are destined to live a life of uncertainty, we might as well get comfortable making decisions in uncertain times. Change can be scary, but take a look through these tips and see if you can get a better handle on making decisions…

Five Tips Making Better Decisions

1. Stop thinking that the idea is to Figure Everything Out. Your job isn’t to figure everything out, it is just to be happy and sort out answers to what’s right in front of you.

2. Focus on What is In Front of You RIGHT NOW. Most of the time, we are fighting a battle, trying to control the future. You cannot safeguard yourself from future woes. The best thing you can do is participate to make the best Now that you can, and move forward.

3. Learn how to Relax in the Midst of Change. One thing I like to do is imagine the eye of a hurricane. Even in the worst kind of chaos, there is a still point. Find it and get centered.

4. Focus on your Values. If you need to make a decision, best to consult how it fits in with your values. How would you feel if you made this choice? How would you feel if you made that one? Spend some time determining why, and usually a clear answer will appear.
Remember…

5. You Can Always Change your Mind. Everything is temporary, and we have the greatest gift to try something, and if it doesn’t work, we simply change our mind. Don’t be afraid to take action, see what happens, and if you don’t like the results… just change your mind!

Potential, Possibility, and Freedom

In conclusion, we are in times of great change. You are likely to not have all of the answers, or even most of them. The best we can ultimately do is accept our situation, realize we don’t have control over all of the outcomes, focus on what is in front of us, relax into accepting that change is inevitable and move forward. By relying on our core values, we can do our best and see what happens. And in the end, we can always change our mind if we don’t like the outcome!! When we can make friends with uncertainty, we can find a new sense of authenticity and ultimately find freedom in the midst of change.

“…the experience of uncertainty contains the potential for living authentically and truly. It holds the spectrum of infinite potential, possibility, and freedom.”

–Swami Chetanananda

A Lesson on Letting Go, or, Mai Pen Rai

Brooke Ferguson — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 08:35:50 +0000

The last time I was in Thailand was just over five years ago, right before the Tsunami hit. While many things have changed and most things look entirely different, there is one thing that has not: the people. The most refreshing thing about Thailand is the beauty of its people. For someone who has never been here, it is difficult to explain, however, I think it can be summed up by its saying “Mai Pen Rai”.

“Mai Pen Rai” is elusive in its meaning and description and can be understood to mean any of the following: it’s OK, it doesn’t matter, no worries, or it is what it is. This gentle acceptance of life that the Thais emit has made for a country that attracts travelers from around the world. Thailand is known as “The Kingdom” and “The Land of Smiles” and the signs of happiness are everywhere here. I had forgotten what it was like to see people so genuinely relaxed and happy. I hear people whistling, singing, and merrily humming to themselves as they go about their day. Having a tonal language, the words are literally sung here, as well. People in Thailand are not just happy individually, they do something that many western cultures have forgotten, they share. Meals are shared, work is done in groups, and there is comradery instead of competition.

When something is out of stock, or has stopped working, it is “finished”. Your hamburger might be as finished as your internet service, and there is no telling when or why. The Thais do not trouble themselves with the explanation or trying to make unknown guesses of remedying the situation into the unknown future. Initially, I was annoyed by this, but then I came to appreciate the brilliance of the statement. When flashed a smile and told, “finished”, I have no unrealistic expectations to put in place. I no longer have to go through the mental crisis of trying to figure something out that I do not have the answers to. I can just accept it and relax.

Relaxation is built into the Thai society. Restaurants and resorts have names like The Easy Room, Come Sea; Let’s Relax, and you will frequently see people sleeping on the job. The streets are dotted with signs for massage and reflexology and posters remind you to “Enjoy Unlimited in Your Life“. Even my phone texts me messages from Mr. Happy and reminds me emphatically when I refill my calling card, “Make sure every day is HAPPY and don’t forget to bring your HAPPINESS with you Everywhere!”

Westerners that have made Thailand their home all have the same story: “I was tired of the grind, and the stress.” After being here for just over two months now, I am finally starting to unwind from all the years of stress. I don’t even think I realized the amount of constant pressure I was holding onto until I got away. I can now see it in my friends. All of my friends and colleagues first response to a ‘How are you’ in an email or IM responded with “BUSY”. I would hear only of how busy they were, or how much work they had to do. And even though I am no longer there, I have still been feeling the pressure of needing to produce at lightning speed. My mind has a running audio loop of “I need to get my website updated; I still haven’t posted that blog; I need to figure out my internet”.

I also want to see the country at lightening speed. My brain has yet to register the fact that I am living here. I still have the mentality of a speed traveler, trying to see the whole country in couple of weeks. Operating on overdrive and having the mentality of constantly trying to produce things runs deep in my psyche. But, really, what good does it do?
After being exposed to the “Mai Pen Rai” society, I have learned that the bulk of these items circling in my head really don’t need to happen right now. It is an unnecessary stress built up from years of trying to “push through life.” I think because many of us don’t enjoy a task, or have so many tasks to do, we believe, “If I could just get this thing done, then I would be able to _____ (insert: relax, enjoy, have the life I’ve always wanted). And just because everyone else around us is playing the same game, we choose to participate. But, the reality is, this is simply a choice.

I’m convinced at this point that the Thai culture was blessed by their “Mai Pen Rai” attitude. They are relaxed enough to take a midday nap. They are smiling when you look at them because they aren’t thinking of the eighty-million other places they ‘need’ to be. They are working together. They are enjoying their days, as well as their moments. The culture, in essence, is present.

So when you find yourself racing around, trying to swim upstream, or generally trying to fight the way of the world, remember the phrase, “Mai Pen Rai”, and just let yourself be “finished’.