“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

William James

There’s a lot of talk these days about the Law of Attraction.  Many books are out there discussing how to focus your thoughts and get what you want by thinking positive thoughts.  More importantly than just focusing on the stuff that you want, I believe that the quality of our life comes from the quality of our thoughts.  It is as simple as this:  if you spend the bulk of your day having pleasant thoughts, you will have a good day.  On the contrary, if you have miserable thoughts, your day will suck.  We all have moments of getting caught up in the drama of our lives, so here are some quick tips of things I’ve learned to begin to change your thinking.

Observing Your Thoughts

Our minds are like any environment.  The conditions need to be right for good ideas to grow.  Thoughts grow from having an open mind and ‘can do’ attitude.  Try to observe the thoughts you have and notice what patterns come up. If it is too difficult at first to notice your thinking, listen to the words you say about different topics.  Are you closing down to people, experiences, or certain areas of your life?  What areas do you find yourself saying the words “I can’t”?  Get to know the areas of your life that you seem defensive about.  Where are your buttons pushed, and by whom?

Noticing Patterns

Once you have begun to notice your thoughts, the next step is to observe any patterns that go along with them.  Because every action has an equal and opposite reaction, see what you are reacting to.  Patterns of behavior are more predictable than you think.  Take a moment to consider your reactions to the following questions:

When things go “wrong” what do I do?

What people seem to get under my skin?  Why?

What areas of my life seem to always “go wrong”?

Linking Your Thinking to your Feelings

A great indicator of our thinking is our feelings.  If we are feeling frustrated, upset, or just having an off day, it is worth exploring our thought processes.  When we take time to get to know our own emotional reactions, we can learn more about ourselves and where we are staying stuck. Rather than responding to unfavorable situations and escalating the tension, try to remain calm, and explore your emotional reaction later during quiet time.

I recently had a situation where a friend really upset me.  I have been reading three different books about mind training and decided to try to do what they said.  I remained calm, focused on my breathing, and tried to not take it personally.  Later, I spent quite a bit of time going through the scenario in my head.  Rather than asking myself “Why did they say that to me?” I asked myself, “Why am I so reactive to that comment?”

I continued to ask questions and dig deeper until I found the source of the pain.  I realized I was being reactive to a comment because it made me feel devalued.  Because I had a strong reaction to males making me feel this way growing up, I experienced pain.  I spent time working through these older issues and realized what my friend had actually given me was a gift.  I had an opportunity to realize an old pattern, find the root cause, and forgive an old situation I had been holding onto for years!

Many of us have these Reactive Filters.  We react strongly, or overreact to people in situations that remind us of old hurts.  We try to justify our own behavior by lashing out or making the situation worse.  We do have the choice to turn hurtful situations into learning opportunities.  We can sit uncomfortably through moments and find the source later.  We can notice how these reactive behaviors are keeping us stuck and determine to work through them.  Next time you feel you are getting your buttons pushed, look deeper to see where the root of this thought process is coming from, and see if you can reprogram your old pattern.

Reprogramming our Thoughts for Better Results

The less reactive we are, the less drama that surrounds our lives.  When we can go into our own lives and take responsibility for our reactions, we free up space for better patterns.  By reprogramming our thoughts, we improve the quality of our lives.  We learn how to find more enjoyable thoughts to focus on throughout the day.  And, the better our thoughts, the happier our days.

“The calm man, having learned how to govern himself, knows how to adapt himself to others; and they, in turn, reverence his spiritual strength, and feel that they can learn of him and rely upon him.  The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good.”

-James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

If you are an aspiring entrepreneur, or you are already in business for yourself, you will know that while this journey is exciting, it has it’s series of ups and downs.   When you decide to take the leap into entrepreneurship, it is easy to feel like you are all by yourself.  Many of you may lack support from others, lack funds, or wane in your self-confidence as you attempt to make your dream a reality.

I wanted to share this entry that I wrote just about a year and a half ago. I think it depicts some of the ups and downs of being ‘in charge’ of running a business…

July 23, 2007

In a way, starting your own business is like being dropped off on an island. You wake up – half conscious and water logged to utter confusion, heat, and lack of resources. I am quite sure that in every true marooned story that there must be a point of disparity; a point where the person realizes for the first time that they are alone and have to figure out how to make it. I feel I am now at that point.

In the beginning, there is the moment of confusion. Next, your instinct for survival kicks in. After the basics have been covered, there is a subtle feeling of abandonment that arises. Yet, all the while, I have had a sense that there will be a day where it all comes together. The shelter works, the fishing is getting better, and the overall feeling of defeat has started to fade. But one thing will not shake. It is that constant feeling of wondering and yearning for a time for everything to be easy. Easy as it once was and I long to feel that way again. I want the worry to be gone and the dull nagging pain of abandonment to go away.

This “shipwrecked” feeling of entrepreneurship must be normal.

However, as I look to research books and company stories, they all glamorize the founders, owners, and CEO’s as a bunch of cool cats that have their acts together and knew it would work all along. Soon, venture capital folks were just lining up to hand over the millions to invest. It all sounds too easy. It seems to almost belittle the entire experience. When I am famous, I want my biography to depict the disparity. To utter the words of confusion and lament the discouraging times. To dictate to those that want to know – No, it was not actually easy.

I had to convince myself on a daily basis that I was not insane and get up and do it all over again, whether there was money or not.

I wish at times that I could just fast forward to my future just to make sure everything would work and be OK. Better than OK, that all of my hard work got me to the point of abundance through changing lives of people I care about.

Now…

… Now, just a short time later, I am living the island life. But not the dropped off and deserted kind; more like the tourist / vacationer / travel writer type. I am in a much different place, not just physically, but mentally. Maybe because I have relaxed—stopped trying to push things, and can take my time. I have helped those wonderful clients that have crossed my path and now on the days that I get down or my spirits start to wane, I remind myself of the personal transformations that have occurred and I am somehow calmed.  Looking back on this past writing helped to remind me how I felt in the early days of being an entrepreneur… and I wanted to share it with you.  No matter how far away your dream feels, it could be just around the corner.

Reminds me of a line from a movie I saw recently… “When do I give up?”

The Answer: “Never. You NEVER Give Up.”

What brought me here today is nothing more than an unconventional way of thinking. I have always been the type of person who thinks anything is possible—and why wouldn’t it be? It isn’t that most things are difficult; it is just that most people don’t take the time to figure out what they want, and work out the details. If you ask anyone that knows me, I have led a very nontraditional life that stems from the viewpoint that life is meant to be enjoyed, and our greatest gifts can be experienced the most when we are on our path to personal freedom.

I believe a sense of freedom comes by first believing that you control your own destiny. We are responsible for creating our lives, and as we begin to take personal responsibility for that one aspect, we begin to ask ourselves—What do I want? This is a very BIG QUESTION, and can be somewhat debilitating because of the overwhelming options that exist. When I began my consulting practice, the common thread that I began to see with all of my clients was just this simple: if people were not doing what they wanted with their lives, they were not happy.

Simple, right?

In theory, it is simple; but in practice, it is not. The way our society is organized (or disorganized, in my opinion) it is nearly impossible to accomplish everything that needs to be done without running around like a complete maniac. With each new addition to our lives comes another level of responsibility, maintenance, and upkeep. After countless years of watching good people live out the idealistic American Dream, I have come to two conclusions. One, it’s not worth it. And two, it simply makes people unhappy. I see so many wonderful people with a great education struggling to survive. They are on the “right track” doing the “right thing” and they are barely making ends meet. It is enough to make you question the whole system altogether, and ask yourself WHAT’S WRONG HERE??

Those that have broken out of the system and are running their own business are busting their butts to try to stay competitive with conglomerates, working ridiculous hours, and trying to find people with an ounce of integrity to help them stay afloat. And here is the kicker—when good people are just trying to survive, the idea of getting to live your ideal lifestyle begins to sound like a pipe dream. I have found that when people are in crisis management, it is difficult for them to explore the idea of LIVING THE LIFE OF THEIR DREAMS. Herein lies the irony: until we make the shift to doing what we really want—we will stay in crisis management…forever.

Making the transition requires a leap of faith. It is a change in mindset. It requires an unconventional way of thinking—thinking that YOUR DREAMS ARE POSSIBLE. It means going on faith and taking action even if (and especially if) nothing in your current reality deems it possible. It means moving forward and making plans for your dream no matter what is happening. It means ignoring the naysayers and the ‘rational’ voices in your own head. It means going to uncharted territory before you are ready. Because the simple truth is, you will never feel ready to do something different. YOU WILL NEVER FEEL READY, BUT YOU CAN GET READY.

I can tell you from experience, having lived and worked all over the world, that you CAN achieve anything that you put your mind to. But you can’t just stop there. You will only begin to get results towards your dream when you put action towards your dream. Thinking will only keep you in neutral. Doing is what drives the car. My challenge to you and reason for writing this post is to inspire you to try out unconventional thinking. I want to pose these two very important questions to you (and please reply not just for your own sake but to motivate and inspire others):

1. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
2. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?