I am notorious for not being able to leave things alone… or as they are. I ALWAYS want to Fix Everything or Figure Things Out.
I want to touch things in museums.
I want to push Emergency buttons to see what happens.
I want to discuss and discover everything about a perfect stranger overnight.
I want to find out how things work.
I jump in 150 percent first thing—letting things happen or develop slowly simply pisses me off.
I Always Want to Fix Everything
One of my favorite things to do is to assimilate a massive amount of information, filter through it and find the shortest and most direct path to success. I love turning obstacles into opportunity and solving problems- this is how my brain works. This is why I love helping people with their lives and businesses. It is easy for me to see the solutions and help people achieve happiness through personal achievement.
But sometimes, I like problem solving too much. Sometimes my brain will ‘create’ situations or problems in order to fix them. I don’t do this so much in my own business as much as in my personal life. I find relationships a complete head trip. I’m fine until this hyper-analytical problem solving tendency crosses the line from work to play and I begin spread sheeting and processing people. I put a person through my questioning:
Why did they do that?
What does this mean?
Why do I feel upset?
How do I fix this?
And, sadly (for me) my brain or internal interrogator won’t let up until it has answers. The usual and simplest explanation won’t satiate the interrogator.
- They’re tired / I’m tired
- PMS
- They need to eat / I need to eat
- They need to sleep /I need to sleep
- They’ve had a bad day / I’ve had a bad day
- Or simply: I’m overreacting & taking it personally
I confuse myself even harder by the psychology and Eastern religious philosophies I know.
What is the Lesson?
I brought this on for a lesson; What is the lesson?
Who does this person represent to me; Is this a pattern?
Everything is supposed to happen just as it is; There is a reason for everything.
But, in my head / my reality, something just doesn’t FEEL RIGHT. And so, the struggle for acceptance and peace begins. Letting it go. Giving it up. Handing it over.
By now I realized I’ve worked myself into a frenzy by Trying To Figure It All Out. I have worked very hard to create an issue over nothing. I have over extended one moment in time to many—over-thought and over-calculated something unnecessarily.
Letting It Go, It is Not My Responsibility
One time, I was considering a similar situation with myself and sought out an Eastern religion bookshop called East West Bookstore in Mountain View, California. There was an author presenting his newly released book, “Building a Better Buddha”. I slipped in the back of the room and listened while he shared his journey and wisdom. After the talk, I approached him. Trying to formulate my thoughts, I asked him:
Most of the time, I do pretty well. I try to do the right thing, accepting myself and others. But sometimes I get the “Monkey Mind” you talk about. I just don’t know how to move past these tendencies of being ‘good’ for a period of time, then slipping up and feeling like I’m ‘bad’ and completely digressing into old patterns or behaviors. What do you think I should do?
He smiled coyly, as if he had been there a million times and wrote this inscription in my newly purchased book:
“Take the White & Keep The Black.
No fight; No Blame.”
–Tao te Ching
Six years later, I am finally beginning to understand what he meant. Read Part II Here!
